I won’t leave you roses to watch them die.
I don’t want to stay.
I don’t want to fall.
I don’t want to have to see you leave me.
I don’t want to take.
I don’t want to lose it all. – Needtobreathe
So many times in life, we hold back our love because of fear. We are consumed with ourselves and we are so scared of being abandoned and let down. We protect our heart just in case the person we hand it to decides to leave it broken and abandoned.
Each child at El Shaddai orphanage comes with a story. Each child was in some way left to fend for themselves. Some of them were found on the street eating dog feces because that’s the only food they could find. Others found themselves alone in their house with their siblings, eventually realizing their parents weren’t coming back. There is a child here named Bryan who was born with disabilities. He is two years old and before he came here, his mother just stuck him in the corner of their house because she didn’t know what to do with him. Many of the babies were being fed maize instead of breast milk. One of the kids here was so exposed to sex that when he first got here he would do things to the dogs that no child should have any knowledge of. Many of the kids were abused, both sexually and physically, by people who should have been taking care of them.
They were literally left broken and abandoned on the street.
How are these kids able to go through what they’ve been through and still have the ability to love without fear?
The first day we got here, children ran to each of us and jumped in our arms. These kids knew nothing about who we were or whether or not they should trust us. They know we will only be here for a month and they show more love than I would have thought possible.
There is a little boy here that I have gotten unbelievably attached to and his name is Nickolas. He is seven years old and since the first day we got here, he hasn’t left my side unless he absolutely had to. We brush our teeth together twice a day, he’s in my English class, we play hop scotch, and he falls asleep in my arms every movie night. Until this point on the race, I have struggled with getting close to people I have met because I know after the month is over I’ll probably never see them again. I hold back because I don’t want to experience the pain of the loss when the month is over.
Love that is real is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs.
It is not proud.
Love always protects, hopes, trusts and perseveres.
I used to read these verses and think of them as applying primarily to marriage relationships. We don’t just need to strive to love our spouses this way. We need to try to love every single person with this kind of love. Christ didn’t show unconditional love to certain people. He showed love to everyone; from His faithful disciples to the ones who nailed Him to a cross and spit in His face.
The children here have made me realize that if I want to show God’s love to the people around me, I have to stop holding back out of fear of how the other person will respond. I have to stop being so concerned with my own desires and focus on following the example Christ has given me.
1 John 4:18
“There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear…”
