Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right…But Three Lefts Do

It’s been nearly 45 days since my return off the trip, and to be honest, I haven’t done a thing. I didn’t get a job, didn’t really go out much (due to the lack of personal funds), I didn’t seek out people to talk to, I hardly read my bible. I just turned into a lifeless, cold-hearted blob that sucked up anything and everything that was given to me. I went through those normal routines of talking to people about my trip, went to my church…but I turned away. What did I do? I made excuses. I watched myself start to slip away into the old self I swore I would never return to.

But something resisted.

There was something inside of me that couldn’t take it. There was something inside fighting back. There was something…no. There was someone. Every time that I saw myself slip back into old habits, there just happened to be some sort of way out, some sort of way to keep myself going and redirect my path. God was still there fighting for me.  I hate to say it, but the sad part is, this went on for weeks. I remember about a week ago, I felt like I was praying to nobody. I hadn’t heard from the Lord since coming back, and I remember asking,

…where are you?”

Well, of course out of my stupidity, I failed to realize that God was with me all along. BUT! I love it, because at these moments, it truly shows how great and powerful God is, and how much He loves me. Because He showed up. Oh he showed up alright. How? The first seemed harmless, but I received a job offer yesterday working as a preschool teacher. Harmless right? I didn’t quite think until today that, a year ago, I left in a season that would change my life completely. Coincidence, right?

Wrong.

That night I felt so good, I couldn’t stop myself. I started praising God with any musical instrument I could….for 4 hours straight. After that I went and ran, praying to God every step of the way. After coming back, I was told that I am wanted at the church to help with the youth program. It just seemed out of nowhere that everything was falling into place, that I took one step and I was back to my new self again. 

And then tonight happened. I woke up, went to work for 9 hours, and I went to go run again. But before I ran, I prayed. Not only prayed, but repented. I went through everything that happened this past month, brought it to God, and once again, out of nowhere, God spoke.

So I ran. And then I ran some more…..and then some more. I kept running. The only reason I ended up stopping was because it got dark out. I ended up running 7 miles in 77 minutes oddly enough. For me personally, I had never even come close to running this far in my life. I fell to my knees at the end, bowing my head down, and headed inside to clean up. But then I remembered something. I looked in my room, grabbed my bible, and quickly discovered one last present God left. I had been finishing up on Hebrews, and it was my turn to read Chapter 12. And the first two verses, it says:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne.”

We don’t have all the answers. We don’t know what God is going to do next. Sometimes we’re knocked flat on our backs, looking up, and asking, “What the heck happened?” It happens to all of us. But for all of the uncertainty, through all of the distress that this world may bring, I beg you brothers and sisters, keep looking towards God, keep fighting. Because in all of these things, God is still with us. Just keep running.