As I look up there are forty eagerly awaiting eyes staring back at me.
Crap. What have I gotten myself into...again?
Rewind to two hours earlier...
I was sitting outside enjoying the beautiful Cambodian weather, minding my own business, when around the corner comes my ministry contact. We're just talking about the day when he fleetingly mentions "oh can one of your team members share their testimony at the drug rehabilitation center this afternoon?" Ugh. Yes, of course I say...while in my mind i'm thinking heck no, not me, one of my teammates can. I've already been there, done that- i'm not going through the pain of publicly sharing my story again. Thanks but no thanks God.
But had I listened to my own voice and not God's this would make for a very short blog...but The Lord has a way of getting you to do things you would never want to do in a million years. If you read my previous blog entitled "Rashanne" then you know how I feel about public speaking. Sweaty palms, tears, rashes, you know...the works.
As I was sitting there praying about what to do...I felt The Lord speaking to me. Reminding me of the freedom I felt last time I shared what He had done in my life. Reminding me thats is His story, not mine. Reminding me that the reason I came on the Race was to take Him out of the box I put Him in...and how can I do that if I am living my life the exact same as I did when I left? How can I see myself change if I am living within the confines of my comfort zone? I can't. So I took a deep breath and said "Okay, i'll do it."
Okay, fast forward now.
I step up in front of 40 prior drug addicts, some still struggling through withdrawals, wondering what the heck am I going to say to these men and women? How can I possibly relate to them? Are they even going to take me seriously?
Then I was reminded that while, no, I have never been addicted to a drug, our stories aren't that different. I want to share with you what I shared with them because I believe in the freedom sharing your story brings....
"First, I want you all to know that God sees every single one of you here today. He knows each one of you by name and wants a personal relationship with you. He doesn't care what your past or even your present looks like, all He cares about is your future with Him. I know this because my life is an example of this. I used to deny God. I used to tell people He didn't exist and laughed at people who believed in Him. I would say things like "how can you believe in something that you can't even see?" Before I knew who He was only two things mattered in my life: boys and alcohol. They were comfortable to me. God didn't make sense to me, so I didn't waste my time trying to figure out who He was. Until one day, those two things I found my comfort in were taken from me. One night 3 years ago I was taken advantage of by one of my guy friends and I thought my world had ended. I felt so dirty and used and the lowest I had ever been. But God met me there. He told me that all He wanted was a relationship with me, and for me to believe in Him. He told me I was washed clean. He didn't care that in my past I did bad things, all He cared about was my future with Him. He lifted me up from the pit of sin I was in and brought me to the light. He is my comforter, my protecter, and my Father. I love Him because He first loved me. I spent the first 19 years of my life hating Him, but He doesn't care because He loves me that much. And He loves you that much.
I am going to be honest with you I have no idea what it means to truly be in your shoes. I don't know what you've been through or where you're at now. I don't know what you do or don't know about God. But, what I do know is that I know what it feels like to be so deep into something you can't even see your way up anymore. You feel like you can't breathe and you are barely holding on to your life and that it just seems easier to give up. But I am here to tell you do not give up, because the God who created you WILL NEVER give up on you. He tells us in Hebrews that "He will NEVER leave or forsake us." When you feel like you can't breathe, reach out to Him and let Him be your air. When you feel like you can't stand anymore, let Him hold you up. When you feel like your life is fading before your eyes, TRUST HIM. He tells us in Romans 8:38-39 "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
As I finished I realized that there was something different about this time. Something different within me. As I stood up to share how The Lord has worked in my life...something strange started happened. There was no sweatiness to my palms. There were no tears pricking the corners of my eyes. Instead, there was confidence in my voice. Boldness in my steps. Something has changed. Somewhere along the past six months, I changed.
When you step out of your comfort zone beautiful things happen. There is room for change to occur. Room for growth to occur. Room for God to work. When was the last time you stepped out?
