Adventures WorldRace SethBarnes Sponsorship Giving

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There was a point in time in my life where I did whatever I felt led to do and had total disregard for God.
I lived my life however I decided would be beneficial.
I used to follow “my heart” instead of the Lord, and I pretty much always ended up in a big pickle.

This one time back in 2009, instead of choosing a university where I would’ve stayed back home and gotten paid to go to class (God’s best), I chose a much harder route (my “best”) where I went out of state and not only willingly got myself into debt with student loans, but emptied out all of my savings account and any type of educational funding I’ve received to just go to this private university in North Carolina. I only went there for a year and a half until God literally had to shake me by a break-up with my boyfriend, so I could see that His best was not there.

I came home to Florida for my junior year of college with my tail between my legs, knowledge that I now had nothing in my bank account, a broken heart and -$6500 to which my life was indebted to the US Government.
Ever since then, satan has used that debt as a point of torment and ridicule in my life.
He told me that I was a total idiot for not following God’s plan, that I wasn’t worthy enough to be responsible with money ever again, and that I make terrible decisions. He even as far as that I wasn’t worthy enough for marriage because I got into debt, and no one wants to marry into -$6500-worth of issues.

Cut to this past Sunday, on a rooftop in El Salvador, where after having a talk with a squad-mate the day before, I came to the realization that I was yet again not being responsible with my money.
I knew as soon as I got accepted on the Race I would have to differ my loans or start paying them off somehow. Guess who has two thumbs and did absolutely nothing out of laziness?

Yep, me.
My lack of being responsible had put me into a situation that I never ever wanted to consider:
quitting the Race and going back home to Sanford, FL where I would have to work off my debt.

As Teams Pursuit, Shekinah, and Kingdom Unleashed were all gathered for being sent out into the prisons for ministry that Sunday, I ended up staying back with my teammate Amanda.

I knew I had to bite the bullet and be a grown up and actually start to figure out what I was supposed to do in regards to
1. getting my loans taken care of and
2. staying on the Race.

As the Internet was out at our contact’s house, we had to go to the local coffee shop in the mall to get it. Welp, just our luck EVERY computer except for ours was able to get and hold a wi-fi connection.
I started to feel trapped, useless and totally powerless since I couldn’t do anything to even start to get things taken care of.

It sucked. All of it sucked.
 

As I began to question God out of frustration, the enemy used it as a perfect opportunity to heap guilt and shame upon me:

“You did this to yourself. You deserve it. God’s going to make you pay, you didn’t follow Him in obedience and now you have to face the consequences.”
It was one of the worst days on the Race I’ve ever had.

After coming home from the coffee shop, Amanda encouraged me to spend a crap-ton of time in prayer with Jesus—glad she said that or else I would’ve drowned in shame guilt and hopelessness.
So I managed to shift my gaze upward, and spend time with my Heavenly Dad.
 

At the beginning, it was as if I was like an abused nocturnal animal,
with exposed wounds still gaping, every time the Light of the Lord would reach out
I’d scamper away to hid in the dark and lick my wounds.

I fought during that quiet time with Him—I didn’t realize it until later, but I still had my hands over my life for control.. and it was killing me. I kept praying for God to tell me, to show me, to teach me, so that I—ME, MYSELF, and I—could take care of things, not Him.

It was a few hours until I came to a breaking point.
For the first time in my life, I truly came to a point of repentance, and finally let go of everything. Literally, everything. My finances, my desires of marriage, my control of my life, my family, my love of the Appalachian Mtns (yeah. that one surprised me too. haha). I gave it to Him, because I was totally powerless and I knew He was God and began to dip my toe into trusting that He had total control over it all.

So I handed over control of my finances to God, hoping that He would guide me through this time, and provide (what I thought would be a plane ticket home and a job) for me in the end of it all.

A few hours later, the teams came back from ministry for the day and after eating lunch I sought out my squad leader, Carly. We ended up sitting outside of the house, where I told her everything that was going on.
I told her all my fears, and all the lies—to which she called out and disarmed.
I told her that I didn't want to go home, but I just was at a loss of what to do with my loans.

What she did next, I could of never come up with, as I never have done it before.

She took me by the hand, and asked if we could have the squad come and pray over me. I felt my pride wince, but I finally said “yeah sure”. So we ended up going inside, and she gathered everyone around, and her and I began to explain the situation at hand to everyone.
I soon had three teams gathered around me, and as I felt hands began to lay on me, Carly took me by the shoulders and spoke about how God is calling me into a state of total dependence on Him, and I don’t have to live in a state of exhausting independence. 
I felt the love and peace of God warm my soul.
After lots of words from lots of praying lips, and lots of tears from my eyes we ended prayer. Afterward, I got lots of hugs and words of encouragement from squad and teammates.

But I never could've expected what was to happen next….
(when part two is finished, click HERE.)