Breaking Free of FOMO for His Glory

So over the past couple of days I haven't been feeling too well.
I gave my testimony at church this past Friday, and ever since then I could feel an oncoming head-cold.
Welp, yesterday was the day when I couldn't avoid it any longer.
I tried going to church that morning, thinking I'll just get better throughout the day.
FALSE.
I definitely used about 238 tissues, slept through a good portion of the local pastor's sermon and then woke up in a total groggy fog.
Not cool.

After church, the plan was to do street evangelism and go to vacation bible school or the local hospital.
Soon after hearing these plans, it was like world war three in my body–mentally and physically.
I just couldn't go do that at all physically–i could almost hear my sinuses scream "NOOOO!", but mentally I wanted to go with everyone so bad!
I finally came to the decision to stay back and go back to the house–ONLY if I got the chance.
That was around the time when Travis, a squad mate, said–"I'm taking you home." To which I defeatedly responded, "Yep."

This internal state of conflict derives from a terrible condition called F.O.M.O. 

It could happen to anyone, at any time.
There is no known cause to my knowledge; however, I've come to the realization that more of the time it affects extroverted people–people who get recharged from being around others–rather than introverted.
Sure, I know that I've had this sort of condition since I was a little kid. My family and friends have called me out on it for years, without giving it the exact name "FOMO"–but even still, I didn't really realize it was that big of an issue until my legit team leader, Anton, called me out on it a few weeks ago when I was sick with the same junk in Guatemala, but still wanted to "tough it out" and go to ministry for the day (stove building of all things). 

So after church yesterday, I ended up coming home and taking a cold shower and heading over to our contact's house. There wasn't anyone there really, so I set up camp for the rest of the day on a super comfy queen size bed–the first REAL boxspring bed I've slept in where I can sprawl out and be super snuggly, in 6 weeks; not only did I get a bed with pillows and blankets, but there's an A/C unit RIGHT across from it!
Blessed I tell you. Blessed.
But even still, I was kind of depressed because I was missing on what everyone else was doing in Santa Ana. I wanted to be a part of what God was doing out there, not all cooped up in bed feeling sorry for myself..

As I was drifting along in and out of sleep with Explosions in the Sky playing in the background, a thought arose in my head. "Is a reason that I have FOMO because I think I can only bring glory to God based on what I DO during ministry?"

WHAT?! Listen body, I'm just trying to sleep here–where did THAT come from?
But it was a pressing question.
A question to which I answered truthfully,
"Yeah, that's definitely one of the reasons."
But later argued my case,
"How can I bring Kingdom when I'm sick in bed all day? How can I possibly bring glory to God if I'm in a half comatose state with snot running down my face 78% of the time, one functioning nostril, and coughing up my right lung?"

It didn't take long, but 1 Corinthians 10:31 popped up in my head:
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God"
Check mate. Well played.

Welp, He gave me a picture that something I needed to do more was just rest and trust faithfully in Him and the love that He lavishes on me daily–and THAT brings glory to His name. I got the vision that His love was the blanket around me that I was curled up in, and His hands where the pillow and bed. He's got me close and He's crazy about me, there's nothing more that needs to be figured out about life, nothing more to worry about, nothing more I need to DO for it. I just need to snuggle close to Him and His name will be glorified! I don't need to fear missing out on anything, because what God is doing in my heart and life is just as legit as what He's doing in the country of El Salvy and the hearts of my squad and the local people here, and as He's working on my heart I get to rest in His truth and the fact that He's still using me to impact the nations of the world for His Name's sake.

Also (side-notes),

1. Me being sick in bed yesterday wasn't a surprise to God. He wasn't up in heaven like, "What?! Cheyanne's supposed to be preaching my name today! Bummer sauce." I liked it when Matt Chandler said something along the lines of "Jesus doesn't drive an ambulance"–God's not surprised by anything that comes about in our life, He knows what'll happen tomorrow and months and years down the road, just as He knows what's going to happen today.

2. My team mates and squad mates have been praying over me since I started feeling crummy, and I totally believe that the Lord can heal me and will heal me. So I wasn't totally discouraged when supernatural divine right in front of your face healing happened, because I had an underlying feeling that God was going to use this sickness as a chance to teach me something. Weird huh?

Now, with all of those things being said–Yesterday I just slept hard and blew my nose all day for the glory of God–I gave Him everything I possible could! And it was a real GREAT day despite the sickbug! It's what I plan to continue doing today, instead of going out into town with everyone. I'm just going to hang out with Jesus all day, giving Him my all as a snotty coughy half conscious sickface, as He nurtures me back to health and lavishes His presence on me–not because of anything that I've done, but just because He's crazy about me! And when He does heal me, you best believe that He's getting glory and praise then too! This is different and sort of weird because it's not the go-go-go in your face relational ministry or manual labor ministry that I'm used to–God turned the tables and decided to minister to me! 

So yes, please please keep me in your prayers as far as getting back to complete health but also keep praying that I get to learn more of what it is to glorify God by sitting, being still, and resting in the love of presence of our Lord–giving Him my all by just being me in all my forms! 🙂