A Vague, but Poignant Testimony

So I've been a Christian now for a good 7 odd years. But it hasn't been until recently that I've really been coming into understanding THAT JESUS IS FOR ME AND FOR MY JOY.

(Gotta give Matt Chandler props for letting the Holy Spirit speak through him, directly into my heart tonight.)

I've spent the beginning of my life being licentious towards God and Godly matters–I just didn't care about Him/them, and wanted to pursue fulfillment through the things of this world: partying, relationships, sports, whatever the media threw at me to strive towards at the time, etc.

(which, BTW–those things will never sustain you totally. make you happy? sure. happiness is temporary. but to give you true, FULL joy? no way man.. those things crumble up fast. trust me, i'll be the first to tell you. i've been there. way too many times.)

With no background knowledge of the Gospel, I FIRST THOUGHT that God was there to tell me that I was a big screw up and that He wanted me to succumb to a list of rules that made me quit doing what I thought would bring me contentment in life (see above list) and THAT'S A STRAIGHT UP LIE OF THE ENEMY! 

BUT THEN I heard the Gospel.. and Jesus gripped me. His Spirit came into my soul and totally wrecked it.
He molded it, shaped it, trimmed it, softened it.
It was beautiful.
The Lord plucked me out of my life of destruction and said, "I've got something for you, it's better than anything you can ever try to create or find here in this world–NEW LIFE".

But it wasn't long until a lot of my life was then submersed in legalism. I began to TRY TO EARN MY KEEP so to speak–earn my FREE GIFT of salvation–ALL because I wasn't TRUSTING in THE LIFE, DEATH, AND RESURRECTION OF CHRIST.
I was basically telling Jesus, "I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS SALVATION YOU'VE GIVEN ME. LET ME TRY TO FIGURE THIS ALL OUT ON MY OWN." 
I then tried to hide my sin from God and tried to gain God's (already and still currently lavishing) love through trying to obey His law. Which by the way, is the WORST thing you can do–because it's IMPOSSIBLE.
Once you begin to live according to solely the Law, you're then JUDGED by solely the Law.
No mercy. No love. THERE IS NO GRACE IN THE LAW.

(i process best in lists, so bare with me..)

1. Ephesians 2:4-6 "But because of His GREAT LOVE for us, God, who is rich in MERCY, made us alive with Christ EVEN WHEN WE WERE DEAD IN TRANSGRESSIONS–IT IS BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED."
     
      a. Grace: God's love is the reason for it. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US! GOD'S GRACE THAT HE LAVISHES ON US IS OUTSIDE OF US AND OUR LIVING OF IMPERFECT LIVES!! We can totally be screwed up, messed up, think we're the WORST person ever–and God says, "Mmm.. I love that girl, I love that boy.. so I'm going to send my PERFECT SPOTLESS SINLESS Son down to earth to LIVE, DIE, and RISE AGAIN JUST for them." "Imperfect they may be, but I AM PERFECT and I WANT THEM" "I DESIRE THEIR HEARTS, I WANT THEM TO HAVE LIFE AND TO HAVE IT TO THE FULL, which is WITH ME."

2. Hebrews 10:10 "And by that Will (God's will, and Jesus submitting to it) we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ ONCE AND FOR ALL"

     a. working for your salvation is exhausting, and pointless–because Jesus has it covered. LITERALLY. 

3. Titus 3:3-7 "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, HE SAVED US, NOT BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUS THINGS WE HAD DONE, BUT BECAUSE OF HIS MERCY. He saved us THROUGH the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom HE POURED out on us GENEROUSLY THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR, SO THAT, HAVING BEEN JUSTIFIED BY HIS GRACE, WE MIGHT BECOME HEIRS HAVING THE HOPE OF ETERNAL LIFE."

4. Ephesians 1:3-10 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with EVERY spiritual blessing IN CHRIST. For he CHOSE US in him BEFORE the creation of the WORLD to be HOLY and BLAMELESS in his sight. IN LOVE he predestined us TO BE ADOPTED as HIS SONS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, in accordance with HIS PLEASURE AND WILL–to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has FREELY given us IN the One he loves. IN HIM we have redemption THROUGH his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace THAT HE LAVISHED on us with ALL wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which HE PURPOSED in CHRIST, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment–to bring ALL things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."

5. Romans 5:6-11 "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS, CHRIST DIED FOR US. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him THROUGH the death of his Son, how much MORE, having been reconciled, shall we be SAVED THROUGH HIS LIFE! Not only is this so, but we also BOAST IN GOD THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THROUGH WHOM WE NOW HAVE RECEIVIED RECONCILIATION."