As a quick update: I’m currently in month 4 of my race. Month 4 is Cambodia month! However, I am no longer in Cambodia. My team along with two other teams from my squad were removed from our ministry sites after the ministry was closed down by the government for not being a registered NGO. Instead of attempting to pick up ministry in Cambodia where our squad and another squad are serving, we have moved to Thailand early!
There are a lot of details that I will spare, but all is well and I am living in Bangkok for the next couple of weeks.
This blog was written in the van as I drove away from the Cambodian village that we lived in for 6 days.
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For as long as I can remember, I have separated the love and justice of the Father. I used to question how God could be loving and just at the same time…is it really possible?
This week I’ve been struggling with that question all over again.
One man’s sinful, selfish actions have caused intense pain and brokenness among so many people in the past week. I am so thankful that justice is waiting for him in a Cambodian prison.
But then I think that this man will possibly spend eternity standing beside me in heaven, worshipping God. Right now that thought makes me want to throw up. Where is the justice in that? How is it just that after all he has done, after all the pain he has caused, he can say yes to Jesus and worship next to me for all eternity?
That is deep love, yes, but justice? I just don’t know.
A few days ago, I was in a place where God was either/or…not both/and. But today as I’m driving away in tears from the village and the family that became my own for the short six days we were there, I’m gaining a new perspective of the depth of love and justice in my God.
One man’s sin has caused utter brokenness in my life, my teammates’ lives and in the lives of the family we have come to love. One man’s sin in the garden did the same for all of creation.
Walking through and having to sit in the intensity of it all these past six days: the grief, the hurt, the worlds-falling-apart, the sadness and the gripping compassion: I’m thankful to realize that I’m experiencing an incredible glimpse of the Father’s heart not only for me, but for the entire world.
My sins, no matter how small I think they are or how much I try to brush them off…they are just as heart-wrenching to the Father as what this man has done.
I understand (I use that loosely) the deep love in forgiveness. I get the love part of it.
But there must be justice served for our offenses…and what I’m finally seeing through the tears in my eyes is that justice lies in the fact that Jesus died.
He died, which means that justice has already been served. He placed Himself on a cross that was the perfect juxtaposition of the love and justice of the Father.
God is not an either/or God.
God is both/and. He is both loving and just.
And you know, I’m still wrestling with what it all means. I’m still wrestling with the way that this both/and thing beckons me to forgive this man for the pan he’s inflicted on countless innocent people.
But it’s okay…because not only is God both loving and just…
He is both gentle and a wrestler.
