It’s freezing at 1am in the Johannesburg airport, I’m bundled in whatever my day pack holds and my squad mates are sprawled out in random areas on the hard floor trying to get some sort of sleep before our travel in a couple hours. This sounds like a typical travel day on the world race, and it very well may be but something in me is different. As a squad we just finished month 8. We just finished 3 months in Africa and we are now headed to our last 3 months in Europe. Our last 3 months, to me that sounds surreal, that doesn’t sound right.
Something in me is different, I feel it for the first time.
I used to claim big things, but never walk the walk.
I used to say that Jesus is my everything, now I know that is true.
I find myself speaking with Him, even in the smallest moments.
I find myself asking him for healing when I fall.
Most of all, I find myself craving his presence, craving his voice.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved The Lord before the race, but not like this. I didn’t seek him every second of the day, I didn’t plead with him for breath for each day, I didn’t understand the amount that he loved me (I still don’t).
I don’t think the race made this change in me, though.
I believe I would have learned these same lessons if I were still at home.
The Lord did use the race, he was able to break me easier.
He was able to show me my sin in a group setting.
He was able to test my patience and my ability to love.
He proved to me I cannot live without him.
He proved a lot about himself up to this point, and I believe he will continue to prove himself to me, because he wants me to know him, to really know him.
I am no longer the self I knew, I am now someone I barely recognize as I look in the mirror. I no long pick every flaw, or wish to see something else. I see a radiant beauty that is only The Lord. I see a creation made with the same hands that sweeps the sky with color for each sunset. I see his beauty every day as I take a deep breath in and try to live as he has called me to.
Every morning I hear him whisper;
“Arise,
My love,
My beautiful one,
and come away.”
Song of Solomon 2:13
Each day he has a new beauty he wants to reveal whether I’m in Romania or in Michigan. Each day he has hand crafted for his glory and he is asking me to step into his glorious plan, I will not deny his hand. I will not deny the chance to twirl into his promises or swing into this grace. It’s not just another hour, or day, it’s something beautiful planned out by the God of all creation and he’s asking you to be a part of it.
I am no longer going to be standing on the back wall too afraid to dance with the one who adores me.
I will take this life, whatever life it is, and see the beauty he places inside of me and around me.
He is good.
