Ever since i have gotten the acceptance call my whole self has spiraled.
My mind has been in complete confusion for 4 months.
It will continue to be confused for another 7.
My being battles within itself asking the same questions over and over.
Somtimes it's just mean statements.
"should i really do this?"
"Am i ready to do this?"
"Am i even the right person for this?"
"Who do i think i am?"
"i'm such a shallow Christian"
"I wont be able to raise all that money"
"No one is going to want to support me"
"what the heck am i even doing?"
Whether this is just me doubting my faith and worth, or Satan trying to get in my head,
i dont like it. I'm in a constant battle with myself, even though i'm fully comitted to this.
It doesnt matter that my friends tell me that they're excited for me.
It doesnt matter that old Youth leader tells me i will learn so much.
I feel unworthy, unloving, and no where near where i should be.
Constant discouragement is wearing me down.
Who am i? The daughter of the Most High God!
Where is my worth found? In the blood of Jesus the Christ.
Is Jesus in control of everything? YES.
Is there any reason to worry? No, there isnt.
Jesus, take my hard, feeble heart and soften it.
Take my mind and transform it.
Give me a new understanding and a new way of living.
I am Yours, not the worlds.
This is your calling, and my obeying.
Help me find you in all of this doubt.
Thank you for lovng me first.
