I have officially reached the half way point on the World Race, HALF WAY! I look back at the past five and a half months and think “Wow, how is it already half way over? How did it go by so quickly?” Somedays I feel like there is still so far to go and other days I feel like it’s going to be over before I know it. So, to commemorate reaching the half-way point, I want this blog to be a reflection. To look back over the past five and a half months and remember all that He has done. A treasure chest full of gems that will recall all of His goodness to mind. It starts at the beginning of the journey, before my feet even landed on foreign soil, even then, He was teaching and preparing me for this adventure with Him.
As I look back at this journey, at it’s origins, I can see His graceful invitation as He beckoned my heart to dive into the deep. He is a gentleman, He never forces Himself on anyone, but He invites everyone and calls everyone to something more grand than they could ever create themselves. His will for our lives is wild and unfettered, full of dangerous adventures that lead us to His heart. His adventure for us is alive and beckons each son and daughter to respond to its call. A call to come and live. A call to freedom and to Jesus. It’s a call that welcomes us each day.
My heart first caught a spark from the World Race flame while working in a hospital as an RN. After coming back from my second short-term mission trip to Honduras, my heart became more unsatisfied with each 12 hour shift I worked. A deep longing had started growing in my heart. Something that started as a whisper grew into a roar, I knew that there was more to my life than what I was doing. I knew that this could not be all there was to life. While I enjoy being a nurse, and it’s a good thing He’s given me, this was not what I was made to do, what He created me for. And, now, almost 2 years later, I’m on the World Race writing this blog in Zambia, Africa learning more and more with each month that passes by. And, I can see that it was Him calling me all along.
“So long as we imagine it is we who have to look for God, we must often lose heart. But it is the other way about–He is looking for us.” – Simon Tugwell
I want to reveal some of the jewels that have started collecting in my “World Race treasure chest.” Each month He has done new and glorious works, and I want to share them. These are some of the more illustrious lessons, that when I look back at all that He has done, these have a special luminance that stands out.
The Philippines: One of the things He revealed to me that I have referenced time and time again is that not everyone is like me. You might be thinking “well, duh…everyone knows that.” But, do you really treat people like they are not like you? Or, do you expect them to do things the way you would? He showed me this one day while I was walking across a playground at the school where we did ministry that month. I was thinking about one of my team mates and I found myself pondering “I just wish she wouldn’t process things so internally, I wish she processed things differently.” Then, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit say to me “Why, so she could look like you?” And my convicted heart, in a state of humble apology, responded, “No. I don’t want her to look like me. I want her to look like you.” God, in His goodness, has made each one of us to respond to Him and to find Him with a uniqueness that was placed in us from the beginning. By placing expectation on others to respond to Him in the way that you do, is denying them of their unique opportunity to relate and respond to God.
Thailand: What He began to teach me in Thailand is something that I am still learning. I am walking in more freedom today than I was in February, but it is something that needs His healing and truth daily. He freed me from the bondage of comparison; a spirit that looks at others and says, “You should be more like them because who you are is not good enough.” The Holy Spirit revealed this to me during one of our squad worship sessions and has been breaking the chains of captivity ever since. When we embrace all the qualities and gifts that He has given us, and don’t look at others with envy, then God is able to move through the very ways He designed us. All of His ways are perfect, and He designed us perfectly to accomplish His will for our lives. It’s a beautiful encounter, one that changes everything. That night, after worship, we wrote our former bondages on paper lanterns and released them into the night sky as a symbol of freedom. My lantern said “I am free from comparison: Christ is my identity. He has designed me perfectly to accomplish the purpose for which He created me to do. May He be glorified as I walk in freedom!” We are most free when we are who He made us to be.
Cambodia: In our third month, He brought me to the end of myself. I had begun to see a pattern. I saw my words fail to bring the results I wanted in my team mates, and I saw my “conflict resolutions skills” crumble during discord and friction, I also saw a distrust in His plan for the lives of the people and relationships around me. He revealed the pride that took the form of self-reliance. This is something He has been healing in me and my relationship with Him long before I left on the race. But, during this month I saw that I relied more on my own understanding, my words, and my efforts in the relationships with the people around me than I did on Him. Once my meddling hands got out of the way, His anointing, His words, and His truths began to fall. Coming to the end of ourselves is a long journey, but we always find Him as we relinquish control and give up our pride.
Vietnam: I was reminded of the great adventure that He called me to. Sometimes, we can get to a place of doing ministry, and get accustomed to the ‘world race lifestyle’ and loose sight of the very reason we are here. Jesus is the reason, to know Him and to make Him known. He reminded me of that truth while I was sitting on the shores of Vietnam. He is the best part of everyday, every moment, every conversation, every hardship, every trial. He is my favorite part of the Race. To see His works throughout the globe, to see the hearts He has captured with His love, to see the Him in the eyes of the poor, to hear the irrepressible laughter of His heart as I play with children. He is it! He is my favorite part of everything I’ve got to be a part of, all that I’ve done, and everywhere I’ve been. Through that reminder, you can see more clearly the work of the Trinity all around you.
Malawi: During month 5 He taught me how to communicate. Again, I know this seems menial. But, He didn’t teach me to communicate with words and conversation, He showed me the secret to speaking the language of the heart. I’ve been reading a book called ‘The Sacred Romance’ and one day while I was reading He showed me this deep truth. “The heart does not respond to principles and programs, it seeks not efficiency, but passion…they are the language that must be spoken if one wishes to communicate with the heart. It is why Jesus so often taught and related to people by telling stories and asking questions. His desire was not just to engage their intellects but to capture their hearts.” This truth has been a game changer. How many times have relationships been broken, marriages ended, and hearts wounded from miss communications? Learning to go beyond the place where our flesh wants to stay, on the surface confined to communicate based on our personality type or intellect, and go to the deep truths and passions of the heart. Jesus speaks to our heart and learning to communicate with others in that way, to ask Jesus to show me their heart as He sees it and to communicate in that place, has given new perspective that changed so many things.
Zambia: Though this month is not over, we still have about a week left, there have been some bright gems that stand out. Something that He revealed to me yesterday morning, that is a common theme throughout this blog and others, is the “deep.” This is a prayer that I’ve been asking Him about for the past year, and is something I’ve been seeking. Jesus does not live on the sea shore, He’s in the deep and that’s where He calls us to go. We find Him in the deep when the waters rise and hope is hard to find, He saves us. When we stay on the shore, never venturing into the great deep, we miss a critical part of His heart and the great romance He invites us to partake in. To spare some lengthy details, I could see that a common connection to the deep was through painful experiences and painful growth. I asked Him why, and He showed me this verse in Hebrews 12:10b-11 “…But God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
It’s not something I claim to understand fully, this is just the beginning, the veil being removed. But, what I can see is that in order to enter into His Holiness and to become more like Him, it requires some painful growth and disciplines.
So, to conclude the first half of this journey, these are some of the bright moments that have changed and impacted my heart. These are things the Kingdom is made of. This is what I want to look back on and remember when this journey is done. I hope these moments have spoken His truths to your heart as well, because I am not on this journey alone. We are on this journey together. Thank you for praying, for support, for giving and for loving me. I am glad to share in His grand adventure with you, and to take His hand with you as He invites us into His great romance. Let’s keep going to the deep, not to be intimidated by fear or by the enemy, but to keep responding to His call and He leads us through every twist and turn in life. Here’s to half-way!!
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