I’m going to be as honest as I can and reveal my heart as best as I understand it on this blog. Some of my friends/family that are reading this may already know the “tendency” I have to be pretty hard on myself. Yes, it’s a good thing to work hard, strive for something, put your efforts towards things that are important and meaningful. If all of your efforts weigh you down and it is done out of a place of independence, self-reliance, and to just grin and bear it, that’s not how Jesus wants us to live.
Matthew 11:30 says “For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Notice it doesn’t say that “I don’t give you a burden and everything is easy.” You know I would not be in touch with reality if I said that life is easy. The truth is, life is hard. But when Jesus helps carry that burden life becomes much easier. When we let Jesus take over the place of independence in our hearts and take on a spirit of dependence on Him instead, that is where we are free.
Jesus revealed this to me in January and has been removing the places of independence I’ve had ever since. It’s like as soon as I think “I’m doing pretty good” I get a real quick reality check and He reveals to me, with great love, that there are things I have not given Him yet. He told me I was prideful in trying to do things on my own. I thought (and I know this sounds crazy when I write it down) that by not doing things right, knowing the spiritual answers, by not messing up, choosing the right thing each time, or fear that I would make the wrong choice, that my life would take a disastrous path and I wouldn’t be able to accomplish all the things He has for me. That it would be all my fault because I messed up (notice how that was all “I” and “my”). My heart wore those chains of responsibility like a well fashioned wardrobe, and it was keeping me in a cage of fear and pride. I never thought I was prideful because I thought pride was defined as being cocky, arrogant, boastful, and having an attitude of “Oh, I would NEVER do that!” I thought I was steering clear of pride in going my own way. It was hard for me to hear Jesus tell me I was prideful because I knew how he felt about pride. I gave it over without hesitation because I could feel the burden of the responsibility I had placed on myself like heavy chains. Instead of living a life of freedom I was drowning under the pressure to get it all right.
What He revealed to me this week was that it’s ok to mess up, miss the mark, it’s ok to get it wrong. Because let’s face it, we are not going to get it all right all of the time. And we are all well aware of our failures and the things we’ve messed up. He showed me through scripture the lives of the pharisees who were “always” right. They were the go to people of the Jewish faith, they were full of knowledge and knew all the right scriptures and all the right things to say…and they killed Jesus. Clearly, they were missing something. Jesus showed me that the pharisees were the example of what not to do. They never thought they were wrong, they thought they had all the right answers. But the truth of freedom lies in being wrong about some stuff, making some mistakes, and learning from them. If we were all perfect, Jesus would not have had to come for us. The formula of “never messing up + knowing the right things = spiritual growth and holiness” is SOO way off from the truth. Our dependence on Him to show us His path, teach us His ways, to guide us in His truth and teach us is they key. God’s ability to speak is greater than your inability to hear him.
So, have you made a wrong choice this week when you so badly want to do the right thing? It’s ok…put the stick down and stop beating yourself up. Jesus gets it and He’s ok with it.
Are you looking at your life and thinking “I did everything right. I made all the right choices and did all the right stuff. Why am I not happy? Be willing to let Jesus take that responsibility off of you and speak truth to your heart. It’s not about getting everything right, it’s about finding Jesus and letting him take that responsibility.
Just this week, before he revealed the truth about the pharisees, I was stewing in a place of doubt and wondering “Can I really do this world race? What if I’m wrong? What If I miss it?” And He revealed to me, yet again, the tendency of picking up pride and relying on myself, my own decision making skills, and ability to make my own life something “good.” Let’s face it, if His plan depends on us getting it right, it’s not going to work out too well. He revealed the truth to me and helped to lay it at His feet. I’m His and He takes care of me, My life is in His hands not mine, and he can have all of it. He is our only hope of getting it right and making our life something beautiful in His eyes. I’m learning to rely on Him for all things and to live a life free of the chains of pride and fear. I’m learning to live a life of fearlessness, recognizing and knowing that He will lead me to all things and through all things. Even if I get it wrong, he’s ok with it.
