“… for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6b
When I came across this verse it reminded me of something my sister had said to me in my senior year of high school.
I had asked her to come up with a few words to describe me and my personlity, and one day, I was sitting in class and had received a text from her. It said “You are a flower that tosses and turns in the wind.” I literally had no idea what she meant by that so I asked her, and she said “ I don’t know, that’s just what I got from God,” so without even thinking about it, I blew it off.
Over a year later I read James 1:6 and the first thing that popped into my head was the text my sister had sent me. I again asked her what she had meant and she said “I don’t know, you have to pray and ask Jesus what it means.” I had put a little thought into it and I really did not think that this applied to me in any way until the next day. I was doing my daily quiet time, and this particular day I was reading in the book of John. It was the story of how Jesus fed 5000 people with just five loaves of bread and two fish, and how Jesus tested Philips trust in God by asking him where they could get food to feed all of these people. Philip replied to Jesus’ question by saying “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” They soon found a boy that had the five loaves of bread and the two fish, and with that little amount of food, Jesus supplied all 5000 people with a bite to eat.
In this story Philip had doubted Jesus’ power and ability to provide for His people, and as I finished the story I thought of James 1:6.
I am a wave tossing and turning in the wind, I am Philip who doubts Gods ability.
For those of you who do not know me well, I question EVERYTHING. And by everything I mean from anything as big as if this is Gods will for me to go on this trip, to anything as little as if my eyeliner is even, and I have to get everyone’s opinion on it.
I usually ask my mom and sisters opinion on everything. They go over my school work, they assure me that my outfit really does match, and that “yes for the 1000th time, your eyeliner is even.” But even then I still second guess everything and end up doing the opposite of what they say.
So you can imagine with something as big as leaving school, family, friends and ultimately the country for nine months is going to have my questioning and doubts running rampant.
“Is this really what God wants me to do?” “What will happen if I don’t get all the funds to go on this trip?” These are just a couple of the many questions that flow through my head all day, everyday since I have committed to this trip. I know that I should have my full trust and faith in God but it is easier said than done.
As I continued to read John 6 (same as where the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 is found), Jesus said that He is the bread of life. He calls us to come hungry to Him and He will provide Himself to us, so we never have to go hungry again.
God is calling me to come hungry and open to Him, He will provide, He will come through, because He has plans for me, plans that are bigger than I can ever imagine.
