I met with someone from my church that is experienced within the missions field on Thursday.
I'm not sure how they developed the opinions that they have about the World Race, but needless to say it was very discouraging. And I cried quite a bit. Despite all of this, she was still very loving and encouraging about my desire to be a missionary, and asked a group of women in the office to come in and pray over me before I left.
I had felt so sure of my decision and God's desire for me to go. I was ready to kick fundraising into full-gear. But after I walked out of that office, I felt so confused. It has left me with the question of,
is this is REALLY what God wants for me right now?
Initially, this really sucked. Obviously, I had a very different conversation in mind. I had even brought in my computer to share with her my support letter and ask her some questions about support-raising.
But now I'm taking the experience as a blessing. I'm taking time to earnestly seek God's desire for my life. Which sounds like I'm back-pedaling because I had thought I did that already. But perhaps I was clouded by my own desire to go. And if I come out of this time of prayer and questioning with the firm belief that the World Race is where God wants me, I will be all the more ready to take on whatever is ahead. And if I realize it isn't, sure, I will be disappointed.
But I will take comfort in the fact that I am earnestly seeking God's heart, and not my own. And that He has something else planned for me, if I just wait on Him.
I'm eager to seek other perspectives and dig deeper into finding answers to questions I have about the World Race. But I know ultimately God, and no one else, will be the one to lay the decision to go or stay on my heart.
Please pray that His desires will speak louder than any of the other noise surrounding this decision. And that I will find a peace that surpasses all understanding.
