Adventures In Missions ruined my life.
The World Race killed my dreams.
I thought I wanted some job, working my way up to be able to pay for a lady’s drink tab in order to have a steady girlfriend, so that way I could make myself seem secure enough that women would want to be my wife. (And come to find out, “Hey baby, wanna come over to my place? My treasure is in heaven…” is the worst pick up line ever.)
So I applied to over 700 jobs (many of them ministry gigs) and received the same line girls would say to me, “Um… it’s not you, it’s me…”
Frustrated and wanting to kick the tar out of every Valentine’s Day ad, I applied to the World Race, half to impress some girl, half to get another application rejection and to tell God that ministry was the LAST place for me.
After receiving my acceptance letter and making it through training camp, I said what most people do whenever God gives them something huge: “HOLY… GOD HELP!”
Fueled with Bible knowledge and a new resolve to solve the world’s problems, the first few months yielded warm feelings and what seemed to be bandaids to huge problems. Then after awhile, I got sick of my team, I felt like the work I was doing was like a squirt gun to a wildfire, and God was the only thing propping me up to keep going.
Eventually, I ran out of tricks up my sleeve. Much like a long lasting relationship, I couldn’t charm my way into making someone believe the gospel. I found many could quote the cheesy Jesus one-liner I was going to use.
I can’t really do much more than be the me God has made.
Instead of getting sick of Africans asking you for money or hopelessly wondering if I said the right thing to sex-trafficked Thai Youth, I started to trust God.
Then I wondered if I had actually gone crazy:
Do I really believe that I can change somebody’s mind from accepting poverty?
Can I really make Ukrainian kids believe they can change their nation with their dreams? Did it the make any difference that sex-trafficked girls in Thailand smiled when I taught them Spanish?
DOES IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE, GOD?
And for some indescribable reason, (call it faith), it does.
By the look on people’s faces, you can see it does.
I know I can’t change the world on my own resolve.
But I believe God can.
I believe in a generation who helps resurrect depravity, if by God’s grace, we are given eyes that are ruined by suffering.
And maybe, if I allow myself to be dependent, His light will penetrate my cloud of uncertainty and allow others to follow.
This leads me to the youth trip I will be co-leading to Dallas.
Please pray for divine encounters as we discover how God, through ruining us, can change the world.
