THIS IS TWO MONTHS IN THE MAKING SO I HOPE IT HITS HOME. PHOTOS COMING SOON! BAD INTERNET CONNECTIONS!
“Be a Man,” “Man-up,” “Grow a Pair” – we’ve all heard these words carelessly said by loved ones, fathers, girlfriends, and male role models. They are painful words for many men because too often, for some flawed, macho-based reasoning, they discount the real efforts of those pursuing manhood.
During the past few years in particular, I’ve seen many men and women who are quick to belittle and shame men for a perceived failure to live up to the standard of manhood. Yet, who among us has attempted to define “What is a MAN? What defines him? What separates MEN from ‘boys who shave’?” We all have ideas, but most are wishy-washy answers rather than a biblically-based ideals pulled from God’s account of how He created us to be.
Reading the many different articles on manhood in my newsfeed over the past 5 months, I found most to be simplistic, antiquated, and unhelpful. I am asking the question, “What are values, fruit, and behaviors of real men?” and I’m stuck in this weird limbo between emotional sensitivity and the grit, discipline, and determination to speak how I feel, what I’m thinking, and what I believe. Moreover, the worldly-minded expectations of society have not only become overwhelming, but they are ever-changing and not useful.
But I’m not backing down. And even though I’m here on the World Race with a bunch of single men who have never been married, much less had a relationship longer than 2 years, I’m still choosing manhood and trying to figure it out, because I do believe that true manhood is a choice and Christians have a leg-up on figuring it out.
Cracking the Code
As I’ve pondered different ways to crack the code, none of them really do manhood justice. I’ve watched my Dad since I was born, but he serves his patients who have failing kidneys and other problems 5 days a week, so that leaves 2/7th of my life to see him in action. You can throw scripture in my face all day, but if you can’t show me a man living the truth with results then how can you really say it’s a transformational truth for men? You can tell me to become the example, and I’m trying, but it’s an uphill battle with lots of confusion, minuscule amounts of grace, and zero tolerance or patience for the process.?
I not writing this to complain, nor do I care if the battle is unfair – that’s okay. I’m writing this because I AM an aspiring man and I am convinced that I’m not the only one who is confused and trying to find the truth. And thanks to men like Matt Chandler (pastor of the The Village Church in Texas), I’m finding some of answers. But continuing the journey toward achieving manhood will require courage, wisdom, compassion, and a fierce commitment to wade through the muck of societal expectations until both men and women understand God’s original design. It’s a frightening dialogue for the immature because it requires ownership of our brokenness and total dependence on God – values contrary to our culture of victimhood and independence. But, I believe and expect that we will receive the help we need when this generation understands who Jesus really is, who we are in Him, and how we, God’s people, can look in the mirror and say, “Dude, you are way too awesome to be living like this!”?
So… What do we do?
The truth is I don’t know… Yet!
One thing is certain: we’re not going to cultivate men by shaming and belittling them into “behaving more maturely”. We need to candidly assess who we are now and begin to explore what kind of men God is calling us to be. We must stop telling boys to “be a man” and hope that they’ll figure it out. It’s not worked for the past 20 years and it’s simply never going to work. Let’s CHOOSE a different way and ask God to help us understand His plan to mature this generation and transform aspiring men into MEN. Because these questions have answers. And despite our corruption of God’s design through sin, I believe that we, followers of Christ, can partner with our fellow believers and the Holy Spirit to restore God’s original design.
Choose Who You Will Be
“Sometimes it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what kind of man or woman you want to be.”
* Moral Revolution by Kris Valleton
This statement has taken me to a higher plane of thinking and it is where we must begin this journey. We must ask, “God what kind of man do you want me to be?” “What kind of man do I want to be?” Then we must take a few steps.
First, we must lose our egos – we’re called to a level of humility that is far bigger and better than our emotions and petty perceptions.
Second, we must take ownership of our past, present, and future and begin to envision how we are going to learn to be men. For example, we must grow in respect, grace, and self-control around the women in our lives. We must treat our heavenly sisters in a way that restores their dignity as God’s daughters and sets a new benchmark for how they should be treated.
Most importantly, we must learn what the bible says about MEN. What do MEN do? What are the attributes of Godly MEN? This is tough because God LOVES the weak and broken, but let’s look at the end result!
To the aspiring ladies who are reading this, helps us. Please start acting like a lady if you expect to be treated like one – drop the pettiness and entitlement and replace them with clearly articulated expectations of men. More importantly, stop catering to and taking offense from the childish behaviors of the boys in your life. When has a boy every stopped misbehaving when he’s getting attention? NEVER. Instead, start defining your boundaries for your brothers in Christ so that we, the aspiring men, can respect them and not feel like we’re walking on egg shells.
In Closing
We’ve all been harboring negative perceptions and thought patterns that aren’t helping us. But the Good News is that our Heavenly Father nailed those dregs to the cross with Jesus. They are finished and belong to him. Now, we are new creations, free to celebrate each other and know that peace and life abundantly is who we are in Christ. So, let’s stop helping Satan strip people of their dignity and start saying “You’re better than this” and “I love you too much to let you live this way.”
The next time you’re tempted to say, “Be a Man,” remember that it takes zero effort to be critical or judgmental, but the entirety of your being to partner with the Holy Spirit to call your brothers and sisters into God’s design of manhood and womanhood.
