You see 2010 started off very exciting for me and very well. In January 2010 I knew from the begining would be challenging, but i thought it would be a good year. Nothing In January would have lead me to believe or prepare me for what February would bring. February came and it brought every negative thought, feeling, emotion…it was just not a good time. I truely can not even put into words what I was feeling. It was then when I was truely in my lowest that I asked God to “show up” I simply prayed ” God, I need you to show up” and wow, did he ever! You see in that lowest of lows, when I called out to him and asked him to show up, I have never felt, a greater comfort, a greater lover than I did then…Throughout the month of February each day was a challenge…Each day I had to make a conscious decision that I was going to get through the day, and that God’s will was going to be what I followed, and that what he thought of me was all that mattered and anything and anyone else’s opinion didn’t. For so many years I had worried about others and what they thought, or tried to compete for other peoples love and attention. In february I finally “got” the fact that God is ALL i need. I continued to seek God and his will for my life. Its all i could allow myself to think about so i would not get side tracked… so when I found myself being sad or upset, or angry i would pray “God reveal your will for my life to me…show me your will..” and as I continued to seek him my pain and anger slowly stated to leave me…I think it was late february or early march, one of my pastors was preaching about titheing and other ways to give to God and he made a little comment that just stuck with me. he said some thing to the effect of “I know not everyone can just pack up eveything and go to another country…” and i dont remember anything else he said because after that God and I started talking…So i went home and continued to pray….
