My race has been just amazing. It has been full of laughter, tears, joy and questions. The hardest part has been having God bring up things from my past telling me that I hold on to so tight I am choking them and will not let them go. Now it is time to let it go. I have come to realize that I am not my past. I can not live in my past. It is a part of my story and has helped shaped who I am but it is not who I am. This last weekend I told God that I didnt want to live in my past any more. Through this I started worring about my sisters because I do a lot of the time because I love them so much and God said “stop worrying about your sisters, I am trying to love you”. I learned that I have to take care of my self and be filled up before I can be there for other people. I also realized I don’t know how to be loved. I easily give love, but I don’t like to receive it. In that moment as I am sitting on the floor in tears I have never felt so broken but at the same time at peace. Even though I didn’t know what to do with this I knew that God was right there. I knew he has never left and will never leave me. I still have questions and will have to work through how to change all this. The funniest thing is I wouldn’t change that night. I wouldn’t go back and change one thing in my life because I am seeing now how God can use everything that has happened for his glory as long as I allow him to.
