On our ministry sheet for Romania it said something about piercings not being allowed. As I read this I got frustrated. If you don't know me, I have 5 tattoos, my ears and my nose pierced. I couldn't imagine somebody not allowing me to have these. I had to ask myself "is this a problem that I have?, am I holding too tight to this silly thing?, do I succumb to legalism?, but what if I keep it and that means they won't listen to my sermon or testimony?, is it worth them not hearing my words?, where's my heart in this? We can't all live our lives trying to please others, if we did, we'd all LOOK the same, DO the same things, LIVE the same ways…..what a boring culture. But then where's my sacrifice in this?"
I made it the first couple days without thinking about it and then someone kindly asked me to take it out for church. I was eating breakfast and immediately said "sure" without pausing. But as they walked out my heart started pounding. This was it, the decision I didn't want to face. What should I do? If i take it out, it will partly heal and I'll have to re-pierce it 3 times every Sunday. My nose couldn't survive that so if I decided to take it out, then it was for good. If you have piercing or tattoos you know, it's kind of like being asked to cut your hair. It's part of you even though it doesn't effect your identity, if that makes sense.
I struggled because even if I took out my nose ring, I can't rub my tattoos off so what does that mean and how would THAT effect the church body. All sorts of old shame and fear came over me. I felt like hiding and just began to cry. All this happened 15 minutes before I was supposed to preach. I went to my bedroom and asked God " Why would you tell me yes that I can pierce it when I asked you in India only to tell me no in Romania?!" and He said, "to see if you would obey." See…. obedience doesn't come unless your heart is in something or someone first. It's a battle for your heart really, then obedience follows because you love and trust that person so much. So that made my decision for me. I was going to take it out.
As I was walking down the hallway Eugenia, our pastor's wife, stopped me and said, "Don't worry about it, we don't have a problem with it and the church needs to learn to love regardless, don't cry, it's ok." I said, "are you sure?, I don't want people to not be able to receive my message because of THAT." At that moment, Pastor Benni and Carla walked out and agreed. Benni said, "Sit down, tell me your heart." And THAT'S when I knew ……THIS is like the Father's love. Jesus wants to hear our hearts. I was hurt and feeling ashamed and wanted to hide, and Benni, as my spiritual father this month, wanted to hear my heart on the matter. I explained to Him what I had said to Eugenia prior and He assured me it's fine.
I was wearing an 18k gold hoop ring, and to try a reduced it's boldness I cut it down to a nub just to keep the hole open. They never knew it was real gold….but the next day Benni went to town and came home with a surprise for me. He BOUGHT ME A NOSE RING! My pastor, bought me a nose ring, I couldn't have felt any MORE accepted than that. A true act of love, acceptance and assurance.
THIS IS LIKE OUR FATHER'S HEART. He listens to us, we give Him our shame, fear, insecurities, and He assures His love and acceptance for us and even goes a step further.
God told me it was for my obedience (& heart), KNOWING that a second later I'd walk out in the hallway after making the decision to take it out, and Eugenia would tell me it's fine to leave it. All He wanted was my heart, then my obedience. He let me still have the "prize", and THAT'S the kind of God we serve. His love is unfailing, never ending, and pure. So I encourage you that sometimes when you can't see the bigger picture, or you don't know why God's "letting" something happen……sometimes it's just because He wants your obedience, but ESPECIALLY your heart.
