Sometimes chapters in the story of our lives can be quick and succinct. At other times they can seem long and drawn out. But nonetheless if we are allowing the Lord to write the story of our lives hang on tight because it will surely be an adventure.
Since July of 2010 I have lived and breathed The World Race. Preparing and fund raising for this incredible opportunity to serve the Lord in 11 countries in 11 months was painstaking but was worthy, noble and pure. Incredibly after all was said and done, my World Race journey only lasted two days. You see, I made it all the way out to California (my launching point to Thailand) and felt led to return back home. My journey was over before it began.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was supposed to apply, get accepted and prepare for this journey but the final outcome was not to go. Since the beginning I had many reservations about traveling for a year. I also came up with a list of reasons why I couldn’t go but the Lord shot them all back and said, “None of those reasons matter. You are only scared. Would you apply if I asked you to?” And, my answer to that was, “Yes.”
After my acceptance, very little flowed easily. I even posted a blog post about how schizophrenic I felt about purchasing gear for the World Race. At the end of the day I ended up buying 2 sleeping bags, 2 sleeping pads, 2 pair of Teva sandals, 3 laptop computers and 2 cameras just to name a few. Needless to say, I had been confused, battling a ton of oppression but ultimately trying to force my way to the finish line…January 7th, 2011…my official launch date.
On Thursday January 6th, the heaviness of it all really began feeling like it was more than I could bear. I had to stand on a swivel chair to reach for something and secretly wished that I’d fall and break my leg so that I didn’t have to go. But, on the 7th I managed to get dressed and go to the airport and board my flight to LAX. I cried to the Lord for two hours. As soon as I arrived at LAX I felt the Lord saying, “It’s time to go home.” Now if I wasn’t confused before, I certainly was now. “Go home? What? I can’t possibly do that. My squad is expecting me, relying on me, I have dozens of financial supporters, there are even more prayer warriors….if I go home now I will disappoint every one. I can’t go home. This is what you called me to.” There was zero peace about leaving for Thailand with the others. No peace. I called several friends from home (somehow I had the foresight to take my cell phone with me very last minute). I spoke to about 15 squad members separately about what I was feeling. I got on the phone and spoke to leadership at Adventures in Missions. But the most important piece of advice that I got from a couple of friends was to get away by myself, get into the Word and plead with the Lord for “beyond a shadow of a doubt clarity in His will.” It was after I spent some time in the Word, prayed with a friend on the phone and then spent more time in the Word that I got peace that I was really to go home.
But of course, like any normal person would, new fears crept in, “How am I going to face everyone back home? No one is going to believe that He would take me all the way to the brink of leaving the States, hours before leaving, and tell me to return. I have no car. I have no job. I am going home to nothing.” But, even with these new fears I felt a peace that I can quite describe. I knew that His plan was taking me on the most unexpected journey ever. Coming home to a clean slate and throwing my hands up to God saying “I have no idea what to do…You do it Lord”. This new journey could only be found through reckless obedience to Him. I love Him for that. I’ve never experienced it before now but there are times when He just needs to see if we are truly willing to be obedient. I know that this was a test just like when Abraham took his son Issac up to the mountain when God asked him to sacrifice his only son (Genesis 22:1-19). God brought him to the last second right before He sent an angel to stop him. (I have to note that it’s been AH-mazing how many times this story in the bible has come up in my life since I’ve been back. I journaled on my flight to LAX that I felt like this situation was “my Issac” not knowing what would happen hours later. And, now that I’ve been back, that story pops up from people’s lips unsolicited, it was the verse on January 8th’s Oswald Chamber’s Utmost for His Highest and it was mentioned on a tv.) It’s as if God is continually confirming, “You see? This is My will.” The confirmation has been ah-mazing
So in closing, I just have to say thank you so much to every single person that prayed, supported and loved on me these last few months. It’s been incredible watching the body of Christ come together to stand up and push forward with a unified front. Incredible. If you have any questions at all please feel free to email me.
Thank you so much! Love you all!
p.s. I will probably be starting up a new blog (I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed writing until this experience). So, if you’d like to follow my new blog just send me a quick email to cathy_s_ramirez at Yahoo.com and I will let you know the address when it’s up and running.
