5 days ago I officially made it back to the U. S. of A. I actually officially made it back to my home in the beautiful state of Alabama. Returning home was nothing like I expected to be…you would think I wouldn’t have any expectations by this point. It’s just weirder than I thought it would be. Less dramatic, more busy, way less emotional.
I think the first couple days I was running off of adrenaline. I didn’t really feel that tired during most of the day, but when it was bedtime in Moldova time I was in bed and when it was time to wake up in Moldova I was waking up. But other than a weird sleeping time I felt pretty good. It wasn’t until the last few days that I have felt just completely jetlagged and exhausted.
This is the weirdest part though. I feel like this year didn’t even happen. I feel like I’ve stepped back in time, and I’m exactly where I was doing what I was doing 11 months ago. I feel like the last 11 months was just a dream. I even have trouble remembering some parts sometimes. I definitely didn’t expect for this to happen. I notice in conversation I’ll random think of something from this year so that keeps reminding me that it was real. Maybe I’m in shock? Not just culture shock, but returning home shock? I’m not exactly sure, but it’s the weirdest feeling ever. I keep feeling like I need to cry, but nothing comes. I keep feeling like something’s missing, like I wake up everyday expecting something to happen, but it just doesn’t. I think the thing I’m most scared about this response is that I will slip back into the person I was before the Race. I changed this year. I changed for the better, and I changed in huge ways. I never want to return to the way I was. I want to constantly fight for the new person I’ve become. Maybe these feelings are just attacks from the enemy…to try to get me to just forget about this year all together. Well guess what Satan, THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I will never forget the faces I saw, the orphans I held, the fires I put out, the love I poured out, the love that poured into me, the hopeless and helpless that found the true Help and Hope. I will continue to have a heart that breaks for the nations, and I will continue to fight for my relationship with Christ. I am not a quitter. I do not give up. And I most definitely do not give in. It’s time now to begin the fight that’s going on in my home. It may not be as obvious as I’ve seen this year, but it’s just as real and just as dangerous. I am equipped and ready.
