I’ve been trying to think of how to share exactly how God called me to the World Race and the thoughts that have been swirling in my head for the past couple months, but I think I needed time to process it myself before I could put it into words.
Exciting, terrified, sad, over-the-moon happy, etc.
A variation of all of the above and more have been running through my mind pretty much since I knew God was telling me to apply, but especially since I have been accepted. And 99% of the time, I am totally ecstatic that God has allowed me this opportunity to travel, meet new people, and see new cultures while sharing Him with others.
Get this though….that other 1% of the time, I’m terrified (trying to be open and real about this whole process and how I’m feeling). If you ask me if I’m excited though, I’ll probably only say yes because that’s easier than me talking at you for an hour and trying to process how I’m feeling in that moment because it honestly changes hourly. Lol. But overall, I’m not a person who gets homesick; I adjusted fine to college, I love to travel, and spending my summers away from home is something I’ve done since elementary school. This is different though. A WHOLE YEAR! I think about all the stuff I’m going to miss: my baby sister turning 18 (WHAT), weddings, maybe deaths, my brother starting to drive (jk…that’s one thing that I think is going to be totally fine to miss…), birthdays, my cat, and whatever else.
Through all this through, God has been begun to show me what it really is to trust Him. Even though my emotions change on the hour, God never does. And how cool is that?
One of the main reasons I fought God over and over on the timing of this trip was because of college and how afraid I was of what it would look like if I took a year off college. I told God, “No, I’ll do it when I finish college.” Ha. I think God took that as a challenge… The other reason was that my current roommates and I (who are totally awesome!) had already decided to move to a new apartment together in June. We were first on the waiting list for a three bedroom when I applied, and I knew they would need to move their name’s to a two-bedroom, but it would have to be before I found out of my acceptance. So I waited, and I asked them to wait to move their names as well…just in case. But after about two weeks of “waiting”, I felt God telling me to tell my roommates to go ahead and move their names. And again, I tried telling God no.
A little back ground through. At the time, I was in the process of being interviewed for an internship during the summer in Wyoming that provided housing, but I wouldn’t be notified of my status until late April… weeks after they would have needed to change to a two-bedroom. So if they moved their names and I didn’t get accepted to the internship/World Race, I would have no roommates and I would only have a month to find a new place to live.
Sometimes listening and trusting God is hard. Really hard. Especially when you can’t see beyond your current situation. I realized that I was holding onto that new apartment as a back-up; a “just-in-case-God-doesn’t-come-through. Once I realized this though, I…reluctantly… told my roommates to move their names. For about a month I was in housing limbo, but God is good! Literally the next day I found out I was accepted to the World Race and about a month later, I was accepted to my internship this summer!
I really thought I knew what trusting Him meant, but “trusting” God does not mean keeping a just-in-case plan. That would have been like Abraham taking a lamb to sacrifice “just-in-case” God really meant for him to sacrifice his son and didn’t provide a lamb. Abraham fully trusted that God knew what was best for him, regardless of his feelings surrounding the situation. Trusting means fully surrendering that He knows what is best for you and 100% believing that when He tells you to do something that He will provide. It may be hard, and it may be stressful, but God is our Provider. So I ask, do we truly trust God enough to hand over EVERY aspect of our life and know that no matter what, He will provide?
