Valentines Day was a pretty miserable day for me this year –I won’t sugarcoat it. My home church puts on a progressive dinner which ends in
karaoke, a chocolate fountain, and a lot of fun every year.
But it wasn’t miserable because I was missing the dinner.
It was miserable because I was sick.
My stomach was tolerating no food. Period. End of
discussion.
discussion.
The position my stomach took that day had me flat on my
back, going nowhere.
back, going nowhere.
Which kind of screwed up the wonderful plan Noe had for he
and David to take us out to dinner and watch Hitch afterwards.
and David to take us out to dinner and watch Hitch afterwards.
It meant me staying back and watching Full House while
everyone else went out.
everyone else went out.
That wasn’t the most fun in the world, either, but it was
better than nothing at all.
better than nothing at all.
And I did manage to muster up the energy to watch Hitch with
them when they got back.
them when they got back.
It wasn’t much, but it was enough.
No, more than enough because I don’t know that I would have
been the greatest company that entire night anyway.
been the greatest company that entire night anyway.
The junk with my stomach wasn’t the only junk I was dealing
with at that point.
with at that point.
I’m realizing in this moment as fingers tap the keyboards
that what I was dealing with was a relationship decision.
that what I was dealing with was a relationship decision.
Depression and suicide were two of my best friends for a
very long time.
very long time.
They listened to me, and even offered advice about what to
do when things were going wrong. Never mind that they were never content to let
me have more than a moment of happiness…
do when things were going wrong. Never mind that they were never content to let
me have more than a moment of happiness…
My faith in their staying power was shaken in Brisbane.
I knew I couldn’t trust them, but they kept coming around last month.
I knew I couldn’t trust them, but they kept coming around last month.
They were trying to make up with me, and I couldn’t figure
out what to do.
out what to do.
Stick with what I know, or take a risk on peace, love, hope,
and truth and break up with them?
and truth and break up with them?
Two nights ago, break up with them was exactly what I did –
along with anger and bitterness, who like to prod the other two on.
along with anger and bitterness, who like to prod the other two on.
And if I said I didn’t miss them, I would be lying.
Little whispers in the last twenty-four hours beckon me to
pick them up, to take back up with them.
pick them up, to take back up with them.
But I know better than that.
I like my new friends better. So does everyone on my squad.
Even better, so does God
Even better, so does God
