It seems easy to live in a world where you don’t actually have any control over your life and you’re told what to do always.An alarm, or a knock on the door and loud shouting, tells you when to wake up. A chart on the kitchen cupboard tells you which morning chore is yours to perform. The uniform shirt hanging on the clothesline tells you what you’ll be wearing that day. A shrilling siren tells you when to be in class, when to go home, when to eat dinner. The teacher tells you which folder you’ll be working out of, which math problems to solve, which book you need to read, which chair you need to sit in. The aide at recess tells you where you can play and how long you can play for.
All the telling drives me nuts just typing it out, because it isn’t easy. No one really likes being told what to do. Not that I’m aware of.
But that’s a typical day in the life of a student here at the WHCC. Granted, there are several hours in the afternoon and evening where they have plenty of time to themselves – it’s just, I don’t know.
I’m not really arguing the need or lack of need for a schedule, uniform, or regimentation. Or, at least, I don’t think I am. I’m just trying put myself in the feet of kids like Casey and Sammy and David (I would say shoes, but these guys go barefoot everywhere they possibly can). I’m remembering what it’s like to be irritated by being told what to do by everyone around me… which isn’t that far back ago in time, truthfully.
Something I’ve been learning in the last week or two is how to deal with irritation, with those petty annoyances that don’t really matter, but pile up and turn into a raging inferno when you don’t deal with them.
I do that. I do it heaps (a lot). I let the little things – especially about people – frustrate and irritate me. Then they turn into that spewing volcano, and eventually something has to give. Something has to break.
But I’m learning about how it doesn’t have to be that way. When those thoughts start to come my way, I’m training myself to start looking at the situation like this: “Is this really something I want to bring into my relationship with [insert name here]? Do I really want to hold onto this and ruin it, or do I still want to have [insert name here] in my life?”
I think you know the answer to that. I’m learning to choose relationship over my rights. Besides, the person best equipped to take on all that stress isn’t the person I’m feeling at odds with. It’s God.
I was reading from Kierkegaard’s Provocations yesterday, and here’s what he has to say about the topic (because irritants are cares… it’s just a question of their significance).‘ “Cast all your care upon God.” You are to cast all care away; if you do not cast all care away, you retain it and do not become absolutely joyful. And if you do not cast it absolutely upon God, but in some other direction, you are not absolutely rid of it. In one way or another, it returns again, most likely in the form of a still greater and more bitter sorrow. For to cast care away, but not upon God – that is distraction. But distraction is a most doubtful and ambiguous remedy.’
I don’t know about some people, but as for me, I’d rather have absolute joy and relationships with people than irritations that steal my joy and relationships. The tricky part is making that reality, but I’m learning.
