I am so, so, so, so excited to post this blog! I feel like I need to give you a little preface in order for you to fully grasp the amazingness that I'm about to tell you about. Since I arrived here at Training Camp, I have been writing in my journal daily about my experiences and have also been working on typing a draft for my next blog post, which I thought would be after I returned from Training Camp since there is no wireless out here. (As I got on my computer to sync my pictures from my camera in case something happens and I have a back-up, I got a pop up saying I had WiFi. I am taking this as another sign from God!) The draft is already about a page long and that was just three days into TC! I was (still am, I guess) stoked to post that and let everyone know about the amazing experience that has been Training Camp. However, tonight blew everything out of the water. Tonight was amazing. No, tonight was indescribable. I am literally getting chills that run up and down my body just typing that sentence– not even thinking about what exactly happened! But, again, before I dive into that, more background… Sorry!
Since I first arrived we have had seminars about how God gives us power to perform miracles. Matthew 10:8 says:
"Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give."
We have also talked about our ability to listen to the Holy Spirit working on behalf of God to speak words of prophesy and affirmation to others. I have had no confidence that I can physically do those things through God working in me. Don't get me wrong, I believe that they happened and are still happening, but I always thought that only "gifted" people could really hear God directing them to that person to lavish those miracles and His proclamations onto. I had been praying for literally days that God would speak to me loud and clear or even speak to someone else through me. My literal prayer was as follows:
"I want a stronger faith. I believe in this things, but I want to do these things. I want to have the faith that allows Your power, might, love, and proclamation to literally be seen or heard through me."
I had discussed what I felt like was my lack of faith with one of my super amazing squad leaders, Joshua, during a debrief and he encouraged me so much. He said,
"Don't be afraid to step out and do something. Proclaim what you're feeling. If you feel like you are supposed to pray for healing, then pray for healing. Maybe it's not that you haven't experienced it, but that you just brushed it off thinking it was your own voice you heard."
I was encouraged at the time but, honestly, quickly forgot about it with the crazy amazing night we had camping by the lake! (Don't worry, more about that in the next blog!)
So, we finally have arrived at tonights occurrences! Tonight, Holly, our fantabulous squad coordinator, spoke to just my squad– N Squad, you know!– about a few things, but one of them was about hearing and discerning God's voice. As I frantically took notes, thinking there is no way that's a coincidence, I realized that I was often hearing the voice of the enemy battling with the voice of the Holy Spirit. I knew that I had heard God speak to me numerous times but I had never felt comfortable doing like others that I know: walking up to someone and saying, "God has this for you" or "God showed me this" or "God told me this". After all, that was for other people, just not me, right?
We had to put our lesson into practice and sit and listen to what God was telling us and write it down in our journals and so we all did. A few people shared, but most of us kept it to ourselves because it was more private things compared to their group revelations. After that, Holly spoke more about listening to the Holy Spirit for others. Then things got uncomfortable.
"Find someone in this room that you don't know very well. Partner up with them and ask God to show you what to tell them. Then proclaim it."
Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. I knew she was going to do that. My heart is racing in my chest and my head is spinning. There was no way I could do this! A sweet girl on my squad, Jolene, whose only interaction with me so far has been to hug me and pray for me while I was violently ill (Again, another blog for another time but I really have to stop getting sick on mission trips……. hah) immediately turned to me and said, "I don't really know you well. Partners?" "NO! I don't want a partner at all!" I wanted to yell, but I knew I had to step up and out and do it anyway. "We go. We go!" I replied with a nervous smile.
She asked me to open us with prayer before we started. I prayed for understanding and knowledge of each other's hearts and spirits that we could literally have no way of knowing otherwise since all we really knew about each other was our names. (This sounds bad, but I have 60 people on my squad and we're often split up and/or so busy so we still haven't had time to interact and talk with everyone yet! It'll happen, though, I promise!) I think I prayed for a few other things, but that was the thing that is sticking out to me. We sat in silence, with hands linked and eyes closed, for a few minutes as we prayed for a word from God for the stranger across from us.
My brain wanders; always has and probably always will. I think I might have ADHD most of the time, but I usually love it. The time when I don't: prayer. I see random, crazy images in my head when I close my eyes.
Chains on a truck bed, baby dolls, swings– just to name a few I rememberer. Then, image of a river. I get the chills. I think, "Whoa! What was that all about?!" River. More chills. I think, "Ok, not a coincidence…" "I am with you." Intense chills. I think, "Is this what I'm supposed to share with Jolene?!" "I will raise you up." Almost shuttered from the amount of chills. I think, "Okay, I get it."
I tell Jolene, with my eyes still closed and heart still doubting, about the flowing river I keep getting images of and how it's bending around the curves but is consistent and the same throughout. I relate it back to her and how life will have the trials and bends but with God beside her, as long as her faith remains the same. I said that He promises to be with you and besides you, lifting you up off your own strength. He says, "I will raise you up." She throws me hands down and backs up and yelps something along the lines of:
"Dear Lord Jesus! Here you are!"
I felt humbly accomplished. I relayed something from God to someone else, where it seemed to hit home where they needed it.
"You have to see this"!
Jolene squealed as she pulled out her notebook. During our first "practice" God had revealed the scene of a river flowing down a hill to Jolene and she wrote it down, although she had no idea what it meant. It wasn't until I stepped out in my faith and shared my vision from God that she was able to understand hers!
I knew when she reacted that the message meant something to her, but, let's be honest, I can pretend that something that means nothing to me means something to me. So, maybe I was actually doubting her authenticity, even though there was no reason to be fake or to doubt. But when she pulled open her journal to tonight's notes where she wrote it down, I began crying. I had never felt such a clear "word" from God, even though it was more of a picture, and has NEVER seen something I heard God say resonate with anyone else (which might be because I haven't voiced anything before, thinking it was my brain and not the Holy Spirit..)
I have seen the Holy Spirit at work too many times to count this week already, but to see It work through my physical body and words through my faith was mind-blowing! I was shaking and trying not to cry and just overwhelmed with the way my faith just launched to a new level knowing that I am a daughter of God and He has anointed all of us with the power to perform miracles and speak God's word for others if we allow our faith to take the front seat and not doubt what God enables us to do on behalf of Him!
