This month our team had the awesome privilege of helping get a sailboat ready for the summer season.
Our ministry contact bought this boat and uses it for ministering to people in the area by taking them out on 3 day-week long trips for bonding time with others and the Lord. The ship is called the Jenny Kruse.
The week before we left they had us put up a couple of the sails in order to take the ship out to sea! Unfortunately on the day we went there was not enough wind to go by sails so we used the motor instead.
The captain took us out on the Parnu Bay which is an inlet of the Gulf of Riga in the Baltic Sea. It was beautiful!!
When we got to the middle of the Bay the captain stopped the boat and our ministry contact’s son, Christian, jokingly asked if any of us wanted to jump in. I was immediately intrigued and decided to ask a few questions like how cold is it? how deep is it? do you have any spare clothes? (we had not planned on swimming) am I really allowed to jump in? is it safe?
After my few questions he realized I was being serious about wanting to jump in the water, so he asked the captain if it would be ok with him if I jumped in. The captain proceeded to tell me and my teammate Andrew, who was also considering jumping, that the water would be about 10 degrees Celsius (50ish degrees Fahrenheit) and that if someone swam for just twenty minutes in this water they would die from hypothermia.
My eyes were wide open by this point, and it was almost as if the added “danger” made me want to jump even more!
They found Andrew and I a couple of towels and after a few wardrobe adjustments I was ready to jump!
They showed me this swing like seat, and how to use it, that they had to pull me out of the water.
As I stepped up on the ledge of the boat my heart started to race. I started second guessing why I wanted to ever do this in the first place and my sanity. The fears all became very real as I stood on the side of the boat. What is it going to feel like jumping in freezing cold water? Am I going to be able to swim or will my body just go numb? I don’t like being alone, am I going to be ok in the big sea BY MYSELF?! Would someone jump in after me if I can’t make it?
Of course all these questions flashed through my mind in a matter of five seconds and I managed to voice one of them to my peers. I asked if anyone would jump in after me if I started to drowned and Andrew immediately raised his hand and another shipmate who was going to help pull me up in the swing said he had already emptied his pockets of valuables just in case! This put my mind a tiny bit at ease, and I turned and faced the scary sea once again.
My teammates counted down and there was that moment of choice…I can either jump as soon as they get to 1 or I can stand here a little longer fighting the fearful thoughts and maybe try again or decide I just don’t want to jump any more.
3…2…1…
I plugged my nose and went for it!
I wanted to share this story with you because of what God spoke to me through this experience.
God is showing me that He has made me a bold person, which has allowed fear to rule my life in many ways . I let lies define who I was and not His truth. I’ve let fears of many different shapes and sizes take root in my heart and keep me from living to the full potential He has for me.
Sometimes worry and anxiety have held me back as well. I wasn’t prepared to jump, I don’t have a change of clothes, and the many what if’s?…What if I get hypothermia? What if I get hurt? etc…
So I end up just not wanting to deal with all the questions and concerns and I choose the “easier” route. Just “play it safe”.
It’s easy to say “Yes!” It’s easy to think of course I want to jump, that sounds exciting and fun, oohh and add the element of risk and that makes it even more appealing (to some :). Of course immediately when I think of living a bold life and going deeper with my Father I want it! I want more intimacy with Him and it’s really easy to hear Him ask me if I want to jump, and just say “YES!”
The questions come…and all of His answers just make me want to jump even more!
Then it’s time to head to the ledge…
I cannot explain in words the freedom and joy that I experienced after jumping off of the side of the boat into the icy cold waters. Knowing I faced all those fears and chose to do something fun, adventurous and a little risky made my heart happy.
God wants me to live my life like this. I was not made for normalcy. I was not made to fit a mold that the world tells me to fit. I was made for more, I was made to step out of fear and doubt with faith in His promise to never leave me and to protect me.
As I’m stepping out of this season on The World Race and stepping into the new season my Father has for me I can choose, just like I chose standing on the side of the sailboat. I can choose to give into my fears and doubts and go on with life like this whole trip never even happened, or I can JUMP!
