Most recently my team was given the opportunity to evaluate one another. Not surprisingly, when asked if I was a team player, each of my teammates said, “No”. Majority of my life has been spent not being a team player. I’ve had poor sportsmanship in games and been somewhat of a sore loser, never really celebrating the wins of others. I’ve not been the greatest at cooperating with others.
The World Race is all about cooperation, flexibility, having a great attitude. We were even told by a contact in Africa to wear a rubber band on our wrists as a reminder that things can’t always go the way we would like for them to.
In my ninth month on the race I am still having the most difficult time being on a team. I’ve not written blogs about it until now because I didn’t want the world to see that side of me. I’m learning through this journey that I have truly lived a double life. I haven’t been one to let people all the way in. It’s not that way in my life.
It doesn’t happen that way on a team. to work effectively with others, one must be known by them and must care to know them. True love takes work. It’s not always easy. Love requires time, devotion, prayer, communication and openness. In all honestly I haven’t loved much. I haven’t made time for people. I have given up on them way too easily. I don’t always pray for God to strengthen my relationships. I close myself up by putting walls up and I fail to communicate, thus believing perceptions. That is not love. I’ve had the most difficulties working with a team- being a team player because I’ve not chosen to love.
I wanted so badly to just be on this mission trip as an individual. I’ve wanted to do things on my own. I’ve not wanted to work alongside others. I’ve not wanted to work through tough times. I found it easier to just coast through the next eight weeks of the mission trip and forget all about my team. I even went as far as begging our Squad leaders to put me on a different team. I was upset when one of them said, “I don’t see you fitting with another team. I only see you on this one. If you leave, you’ll still have the same problem.”
See, many times in life no matter what job we have, we end up with the same boss. No matter what church we go to, the same members are there. No matter what number husband/wife we are on, he/she is always the same. No matter what resturant we eat at, the waiter is always the same. The problem isn’t everyone else. The problem is with us.
So, for eight more weeks I’m with Hannah, Jeanne, Lauren, Leisa, Keturah and Kristen. This team won’t change until I change my mindset and be a team player. If I want change, I have to let people in my life. I have to love and allow others to love me. This isn’t an individual race. It’s the World Race.
