A fisher of men; that’s what Matthew 4:19 says I will be if I follow Jesus. I’m sure this isn’t news, but that is HARD. This blog is partly about confession and what the last two months have been like for me, yes, but also about one of the deep truths of the World Race and what it’s designed to do. It’s about the world changing me; then, maybe, me changing the world. This is being revealed to me more and more every day.
What I did wrong: While we were debriefing in Bangkok, I voiced a confession before all of the World Racers and God. My sin? I had mostly taken the month in Thailand off. I slacked in a lot of areas, most notably my discipline to reading the Word and prayer. I lost that intimate connection with God and with my team. I shaded too much towards being a tourist and a traveler; shied away from being a fisher of men. I fell to the spirits of complaceny and individuality. It’s a dangerous route. It hampered my time in Thailand; I was surrounded by God’s creation and people, but didn’t really give Him whole-hearted credit. Now, after nearly a month in Cambodia, I’m beginning to understand the far reaching consequences of giving the Devil the foothold of apathy so many weeks ago.
How it’s hurt me: During my ministry time in Cambodia, I’ve noticed myself a little bit absent at times. At the orphanage, I can see myself involved with the kids but not really loving them like I know I can and have. Walking down the street, my smiles to little children screaming after me (Hello! Hello! Hello! What is your name? Where you come from? Hello!) don’t seem to come as easily. It’s not easy for me to just strike up a conversation with someone who speaks english about as well as I speak Khmer, but the relational ministries we have been involved in were already doomed because of my attitude. I didn’t have the investment attitude. I haven’t seen the world through His eyes or loved it with His heart. I haven’t known the world as He knows it. Why? For exactly all of those reasons mentioned above.
How I am defeating it: You can see how long its taken to start breaking that cycle. But I’m doing it. I’m doing it through the discplines of prayer and reading the Word. Already, those desires are returning to me. Giving my cup to Him to be filled so that it can overflow to others is a crucial point. There are two other keys to cleaning up the residuals of a trip through the valley: walking in authority and an increase in faith. Matthew 10:1 says very clearly what authority we have. In fact, the whole chapter is a guide as to what we should do and what we can expect when we are walking in his authority. And consider the passage of Matthew 14:22-33, where Peter sees Jesus walking on water, and has the faith to step onto the raging sea. A decrease in faith caused him to begin to sink, where an increase in faith would have let him continue on to Jesus’ side.
The Redemption: I use Peter again to describe where all of this goes. In John 21:15-17, after he had denied Crhist 3 times during is arrest and crucifixion, the risen Christ meets him and asks him 3 times about his love. After each answer, Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep and protect his lambs. Christ restored Peter. Christ is restoring me.
