I find myself at the halfway point on the World Race. I have seen 5 countries, 5 cultures, at least five ministries and contacts. Ahead of me are still six more countries, six more cultures, and at least six more ministries and contacts.
Where do I stand? Where have I come from and where am I headed?
This is an inventory.
I want to take note of what’s within, what has changed and what has stayed the same. I want to see where change is still needed. They always say that you get out of the Race what you put into it. If you want change, you’ll find it. If you don’t, you’ll probably be miserable, and you probably won’t change much either. Change is for the good. Change is growth to kingdom-likeness, to king-likeness. And I am a daughter of the King, as His daughter I share in His inheritance. It is not arrogant to acknowledge what my God calls me, but it is a shame to forfeit my inheritance.
So, let’s take a look…
So, let’s take a look…
At the start of this whole thing I was anxious, excited, critical, optimistic, and a bunch of other crazy things all rolled into one. I kept having to remind myself that I was out of America, away from my normal with people I’ve known only a couple months and not very well at that, living out of a backpack, moving from country to country every month for eleven months. Eleven months. It didn’t seem real. Every moment I thought would be the moment when I awoke from the dream and would find myself back in Houston, Texas eating fajitas at El Tiempo. Soon enough, these moments became less and less and the ideas of home were the ones becoming foreign to me. Bucket showers, squatty potties, and removing my shoes at the door are the norm. I am trying to remember what A/C actually feels like or what it’s like to drive a car.
But these are just the physical things. Other changes are happening…
But these are just the physical things. Other changes are happening…
Feedback: character building, positive and constructive criticism that pushes your brother/sister into a better reflection of Christ and into the person God created him/her to be. It is calling out and calling up. It is Awkward. Freeing. Life-giving.
Feedback is an exercise we participate in at the end of each day. Our team gathers together, starts in prayer, then opens the floor to anyone who chooses to speak life into another teammate. Feedback always follows the pattern: 1) observation, 2) example, and 3) suggestion and is always received with a “thank you.”
I have received feedback on being too harsh. I need to be more sensitive to people’s feelings. Apparently, my laid-back personality and confident attitude is both cool and intimidating so when I speak or act, people feel as if I don’t care or that I’m being rude. I may mean one thing, but it is heard a totally different way on the receiving end and it is never good. But I can’t pretend to be the completely innocent party either. I know there are attitude adjustments needed as well as more patience with others. But one thing I have learned is you can’t change people’s perception of you. No, that doesn’t give me reason to disregard others thoughts or feelings, but it does mean that people pleasing is impossible and I just have to be okay with being misunderstood at times.
Like I said, I am giving up a lot in the physical sense and it hasn’t been easy, but it hasn’t been too difficult either, I am a rather adaptable person. I was ready to give these things up in exchange for this new “normal.” It’s the unexpected lessons that are the hardest to learn yet reap the greatest benefits. God has been humbling me in ways I never thought and it’s good, or at least I think it will be. Living life like this means watching others get credit for the things you did or see them be praised for an accomplishment that you came into this thing already having overcome. This kind of humility is having higher standards placed on you than others and going unnoticed in your victories because of it. It is realizing that no matter how far you’ve come, there’s still further to go.
For so much of my life I’ve been the support, the counselor, the mentor, the go-to. I have been the one pouring out for the sake of others and I believe I am still called to that. But I also believe God has placed me on this path, in this community to be vulnerable, allow others to see my shortcomings and help me through my struggles instead of always having it together and being the one giving the advice.
So this new life is becoming a woman who doesn’t just say that I’ll pray, but actually pray my way to tears and know the Lord is at work. It is discovering the beauty of intimacy with the Lord on a totally new level and actually believing, not just saying, that His presence is enough. It is knowing that my presence brings change and words aren’t always needed, but that my voice is worthy of being heard.
So, in this midterm inventory, I’d like to say I am learning and growing, but I believe the biggest lessons and growth are yet to come. We’ve been chipping away at the tip of the iceberg, but now a shift is coming. We are diving deep, going under and wrecking all I am and know to become like Christ and the workmanship He created me to be.
Feedback is an exercise we participate in at the end of each day. Our team gathers together, starts in prayer, then opens the floor to anyone who chooses to speak life into another teammate. Feedback always follows the pattern: 1) observation, 2) example, and 3) suggestion and is always received with a “thank you.”
I have received feedback on being too harsh. I need to be more sensitive to people’s feelings. Apparently, my laid-back personality and confident attitude is both cool and intimidating so when I speak or act, people feel as if I don’t care or that I’m being rude. I may mean one thing, but it is heard a totally different way on the receiving end and it is never good. But I can’t pretend to be the completely innocent party either. I know there are attitude adjustments needed as well as more patience with others. But one thing I have learned is you can’t change people’s perception of you. No, that doesn’t give me reason to disregard others thoughts or feelings, but it does mean that people pleasing is impossible and I just have to be okay with being misunderstood at times.
Like I said, I am giving up a lot in the physical sense and it hasn’t been easy, but it hasn’t been too difficult either, I am a rather adaptable person. I was ready to give these things up in exchange for this new “normal.” It’s the unexpected lessons that are the hardest to learn yet reap the greatest benefits. God has been humbling me in ways I never thought and it’s good, or at least I think it will be. Living life like this means watching others get credit for the things you did or see them be praised for an accomplishment that you came into this thing already having overcome. This kind of humility is having higher standards placed on you than others and going unnoticed in your victories because of it. It is realizing that no matter how far you’ve come, there’s still further to go.
For so much of my life I’ve been the support, the counselor, the mentor, the go-to. I have been the one pouring out for the sake of others and I believe I am still called to that. But I also believe God has placed me on this path, in this community to be vulnerable, allow others to see my shortcomings and help me through my struggles instead of always having it together and being the one giving the advice.
So this new life is becoming a woman who doesn’t just say that I’ll pray, but actually pray my way to tears and know the Lord is at work. It is discovering the beauty of intimacy with the Lord on a totally new level and actually believing, not just saying, that His presence is enough. It is knowing that my presence brings change and words aren’t always needed, but that my voice is worthy of being heard.
So, in this midterm inventory, I’d like to say I am learning and growing, but I believe the biggest lessons and growth are yet to come. We’ve been chipping away at the tip of the iceberg, but now a shift is coming. We are diving deep, going under and wrecking all I am and know to become like Christ and the workmanship He created me to be.
“Do you feel yourself worthy to take up the kingship of Narnia?” asked Aslan.
“I-I don’t think I do, Sir,” said Caspian, “I’m only a kid.”
“Good,” said Aslan, ” If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof you were not.” -Prince Caspian, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
