I've struggled with how to begin this blog, but I'm going to trust that whether you know me or not, God is going to do whatever he wants to with it.
Since arriving in Honduras, God has been teaching me a lot about my "people pleasing" tendencies and that deep down I've been almost controlled by a need for approval and ultimately a fear of mankind in general. As I was journaling and struggling with this whole concept, God spoke to me in my brokenness:
Carrie,
I made you. You are fallen, but I made you perfectly. I have redeemed you. I did not create you with a spirit of fear, so that is not who you are, nor was it who you ever were. You lived in fear, but it did not and does not define you. You have sought the approval of mankind and have been crippled by the fear of not receiving that approval and acceptance. You have tried so hard for so long out of your own strength…You are strong because I made you that way, but apart from me, your "strength" is a weakness. It invites pride unless you are rooted in your true identity.
Carrie, you do not need the approval of mankind. I approve of you- I made you! I love you! You will be rejected by men- I was. I know the pain it brings, but I also know the joy that obedience brings. Obey me. Seek me. Trust me. Praise me. Declare over yourself words of truth- stop believing the lies. Insecurities are just little fears. Addictions are entertained fears. A half-lived life is a life lived in fear. You have NOTHING to fear. I am with you always. I will not reject you. You are my bride- I gave you my name and my authority. I give you the power to move mountains, to heal the sick, bring sight to the blind, make the lame walk, and to bring My Kingdom to Earth. You are a co-heir with Christ! Believe it! I want such a full life for you- even more than you do. I'm so excited for what I'm going to show you and how I'm going to change you, but this lesson is of utmost importance. Declare truth over yourself. Declare truth over others. Rebuke Satan. Keep fighting- but do so in My name, My power, My strength, and My authority. I have given you all of these. Never forget I made you, I chose you, I approve of you- what else do you need?
As far as your husband goes, keep asking me. Have you forgotten that I give you the desires of your heart and that I love to give good gifts? I want to give you that too. It isn't silly or superficial to want that and you will meet a gentle, strong leader who loves and seeks me. Keep asking. I'm preparing him even now. You're not ready yet, so be content even amidst the desire. Enjoy your single years while you can, and enjoy getting to know me. Remember the passage from 1 Corinthians.
Oh, my daughter, how I love you! Be patient and joyfully wait for me. I will honor that- I am always faithful to my promises!
All my Love and Always Yours,
Daddy
The Lord is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?… For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock…I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait on the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:1, 5, 13-14
