Prepping to be a Branch

Update on preparing for this trip!!

To give a little background: In my last blog, I said some stuff about not being that “excited,” not being sure why God is leading me on this crazy journey, not being sure of my own “qualifications,” and being sad about leaving things here in the comfortable U.S.
 
Today, some of that is still on my heart, but maybe in a different way.
 
Side note: Processing through all the thoughts and emotions that have come up as a result of preparing for this trip is SO cool! It’s hard, challenging, humbling, but goooooood. Ugh. SO BLESSED!
 
Anyways, as part of being a student at Colorado Christian University, we have to complete 180 chapel credits- when you do the math, it really isn’t very difficult to be done in less than 8 semesters when we have chapel twice a week. I finished mine at the beginning of the semester, so I technically don’t have to go anymore (aka: I get free quiet time in the library should I choose not to go to chapel), but I’ve been going to chapel anyways the past couple of weeks.
 
I’ll get to my point soon, I promise.
 
So we’re singing in chapel (well, most people are singing- my stuffy nose and sore throat forced me to just listen and sing along in my head…) and one of the songs they sang was “Nothing I Hold Onto” by Will Reagan and United Pursuit, and the simplified version of the lyrics is this:

I lean not on my own understanding

My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven
I give it all to you, God,  
Trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open
There is nothing I hold onto

In the context of my last blog- not feeling qualified, not really wanting to give up my life here in the States, not thinking I have anything to offer my team/squad/the world- you can see why this would be, well, convicting. As excited I am about the crazy things we’ll get to do and to see on this trip, part of me still wants to hold on to what I know- my pillow, for example. (Ok, I can take a pillow. More seriously: CCU, family, tutoring, college, friends, ensembles, choir…)
 
“I give it all to You, God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me…there is nothing I hold on to…”
 
The thing about this song that is so powerful to me is the image of openness and its opposite- “closedness.” When you’re holding on to something, your hands are closed. They can’t give anything, and they can’t receive anything… like a little kid holding on to a piece of candy as the parent tries and tries to open their hand so they can give them food that will actually nourish them. The more I thought about it, the more I saw this theme of open vs. closed –ness throughout life.
               

               
Get the picture?
 
Maybe this isn’t news to anybody but me, but the analogy just helped me visualize the process I’m going through.  I have no clue what God has in store for me on this trip. I know without a doubt that it’ll be more than I could ever imagine and that I will be changed drastically. Holding on to these things that make me feel secure (i.e.: family/friends school/my pillow) isn’t going to keep me safe, healthy, or happy. Do I throw them out the window? No, I put them (and all of me and every aspect of my life) where they belong- in God’s hands and trust Him with all of it.
 
“I lean not on my own understanding; my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven…”
 
So back to my title: Prepping to be a Branch.
 
I’ve also been reading this book called Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray (thanks, Dad!), and it uses this image of Christ being the vine and us being the branches throughout the book. In a nutshell, the branches don’t have to do anything to stay attached to the vine but simply receive its nutrients. As branches, they have no power to stay attached. The vine keeps them, the vine cares for them, the vine provides for them. All the branches have to do is abide. In the context of us abiding in Christ, He gives us the understanding, the strength, etc. to be fruitful branches. (Another side note: II'm not saying we just sit back and do nothing- it’s where the strength and motivation to “do” is coming from that makes the difference in my mind.)
 
The title of this blog is kind of misleading because it’s “Prepping to be a Branch.” In a lot of ways that’s true in that I’m prepping for my trip: preparing my heart and mind, preparing by spending good quality time with people I care about here and now, preparing by purchasing the equipment and clothes that I’ll take with me, etc. But I’m already a branch. It’s not like this trip is separate from the rest of my walk with God- it’s a big step, but it’s still part of the same journey. I’m still a branch- maybe smaller, not as good at this whole abiding thing, but a branch nonetheless.
 
“My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven…”
 
So in relation to this image of hands being open (ready to give and ready to receive), as I stood there in chapel trying to sing through the mucus plaguing my respiratory system, I thought, “If I’m not holding on to anything…. wait, what am I holding onto?”….Stupid question, right? But it intrigued me, this thought of not “holding on to” anything. Does that include not “holding on to” God? That seems weird… but after a minute I thought, “Well, that makes sense. He’s holding you, idiot. You’re a branch- not the vine.”
 
 “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15: 4-5, NASB