#1 I didn’t get in a car accident, so don’t worry. =)
I thought I should start off with that since I don’t want you all to feel the panic that I felt when I logged onto Facebook and saw posts from my family asking for prayer because my brother, Justin, who is a police officer, had been in a car accident while on duty.
Sometimes it is really hard to be away from home. There are lots of what we like to call first world problems: slow internet or no internet, peanut butter = gold, squatty potties, fake cheese, rice, rice and more rice, ice (anyone??), bucket showers, the list goes on… All in all though, living in the third world is much easier than I thought it would be. We are truly, truly, truly blessed. Even here.
The hardest part of being away from home has been being far away from my family. I’ve never been the kind of girl to get homesick. Even as a little girl, I loved spending the night with my grandma and was always ready for a trip. I think I always knew though that my family would be at home when I got back. Maybe this trip is so hard because I don’t know that now.
On Monday night I couldn’t sleep. I felt like death was in the room with me and the people that my mind keep turning to was my family. In particular my brother, Justin. Finally, I was able to rest. On Tuesday night the same thing happened. I fell asleep with the awareness that all of the members of my family were still living except for my grandfathers, one that I never met and one that died while I was in college who I loved very much. Beyond those loses though, our family is whole. No one is missing. I woke up in the middle of the night with my brother on my mind again and felt the need to ask the Lord to preserve his life and keep my family whole. I felt fear for his life and an overwhelming desire to ask that it be kept.
And then I got on Facebook Wednesday afternoon and the very first three post I read were from my sister, my mom and my sister-in-law, all about Justin and his accident.
I did have a moment of panic.
And then I read that he was alive and okay and at home resting.
And then I sat down relieved that despite the fact that I am far from home and have not spoken to my brother or his wife this month, and only once to my mom and sister, the Lord doesn’t need the internet or any of the things my family and I use to stay in touch to keep my heart close to home while I am far away, but most importantly that He doesn’t need those things to speak to me.
I love that our God is a god of compassion.
And that He is a god who sees.
That He is over time.
And transcends nations.
That even in my sleep, He speaks and warns and wakes up those He calls to pray.
And that He answers.
I do know that at some point my family and I are going to say goodbye. I don’t know when or to who or in what order, but the reality is that death will come for every single one of us and that there is no way to know how many days we have left as we are.
I know too that there are little deaths that still sting… Most likely next year I will be at home in North Carolina for Christmas, though even that I am not sure of, but this past year I wasn’t. My family gathered around a tree with presents for one less person. Even though it isn’t a final death, it is a little one that acts as a shadow of things to come and it still hurts.
I love though that we have a promise… all those hidden in Christ will find themselves reunited in glory to the ones who called on His name and trusted in His blood. Death, even final death, is, in the end, only a shadow to those who believe.
I have felt the need this month to consider my own soul… do I know Him? Do I know that He is enough? Am I trusting in only His work? Perhaps this is a solemn post, but regardless, death comes quickly to us all at some point and it would be foolish to not consider whether you know where you are going and who you have followed…
And after that… you should go give your family a hug.
