One of the most exciting things I learned at training camp
was that there are certain standards for our team and how we walk together. We
are expected to start each day together with prayer and to end each day with
feedback. Most of the time feedback
is positive. It can be specific to one member, ‘Hey Kirsten, it was really
creative how you responded to that kid today.’ Or it can be for the group, ‘I
think we are doing a good job of looking out for each other.’
Feedback can also be constructive.
For a girl that came from a dysfunctional family, when
contentions were either buried or expressed in unhealthy and unacceptable ways,
confrontation is still a scary concept to me. I’m the girl that will 1) hide
it, 2) get over it (which usually does not work and will later just come out in
resentment), and 3) definitely, at all costs, will avoid it. I grew up
believing that anger was always a bad thing, and never a thing that could be
expressed. I grew up with a lot of guilt in confrontations and confusion in how
to deal with issues or express my needs.
Confrontation is less scary the last few years between
roommate situations and work situations. I’ve had some successes and some major
failures. I am excited for this year because there is an open, free, and
healthy opportunity for us to face conflict and let it grow me.
Here are the standards for our constructive feedback this
year. I hope experience from this year will go with me and make me more
effective in all other relationships in my life:
1)
The 24 hour principle: approach conflicts
within 24 hours. If you need to, get accountability to make sure you approach the
person within 24 hours. Don’t let it fester.
2)
Always approach constructive feedback with the
attitude of being ‘for’ the other person. My motive needs to be for their
betterment. I want to see the other person more fruitful, more effective,
healthier, etc.
3)
When giving constructive feedback, give it in three
parts:
a.
An observation. ‘Billy, sometimes you come
across sort of critical.’
b.
An example. ‘Like yesterday, when you said I
looked fat in my outfit, and then acted like you were just joking. That hurt my
feelings.’
c.
And a suggestion. ‘Maybe just pause for a second
before you make a remark about someone and think over what you are about to say.
It will probably help you filter. I don’t think you are usually meaning to be
critical.’
4)
The response to constructive feedback is always
‘Thank you.’ It isn’t a time to justify or explain, ‘I was just tired when I
said that.’ Just say ‘thank you.’ If it’s a bigger issue that needs more
discussion, it can be handled in a one-on-one discussion. But as far as team
feedback time goes, ‘Thank you for your feedback.’
Yeah, both excited and terrified about feedback. So far,
ours as a team has been positive. We are still getting to know each other. And
honestly, I think we are still a little shell shocked that we are actually here
and doing this thing we have prepared so long for.
I am thankful for the team
that God has put here to encourage, sharpen, confront, support, and enjoy me.
Please join me in my prayers that we get to know each other better and that we
will have attitudes to be ‘for’ each other and united in the love of Christ. We
are each here because we want to look more like Christ. I know it is often hard
things that bring us into a greater revelation of this likeness. Please pray
that we will say yes to God this year and really draw into Him and into each other,
even in the hard things, like conflict.
