So… I didn’t meet my deadline on time and even though there is grace for that, Adventures in Missions still needs me to be fully funded as soon as possible. It is impossible for me to bring in that kind of money, but I know that God will provide, just like He has before. $2,400 isn’t this huge amount that is undoable even when I don’t have the money in my own account to be fully funded. So I have been doing a lot of praying for God to lay it on people’s hearts to donate to my account. I have been counting on my Jehovah-Jireh to provide, just like He promised He would. Through this struggle to meet the deadlines, I have been spending a lot of time trusting my Father to see me through the impossible for me, and with this new dependence on Him, I have been growing closer to Him and He has given me this urgency to understand who He is and all the names of my wonderful and powerful God. He has given me a passion to dig deeper into all of His names to get a better view on who my Father really is and how that pertains to me. So I have started this book called “His Name is Wonderful: The Hebrew Names of God” to help me along this journey that God is inviting me into. It’s a wonderful book… full of scripture and gives me a new insight into God that I’ve never realized before.
Now, though, with my focus so much on fundraising and making sure that I’m fully funded so I can continue on with my Race, I skipped a couple of chapters in the book and went straight to the name of Jehovah-Jireh in hopes that I could get a cure-all answer to how I can get God to help me bring in the last bit that I need. I wanted the book to tell me how to pray this perfect prayer so that God would respond so suddenly and completely that I didn’t need to worry about where or how the money would come in. I was so off my mark! God isn’t a genie in a bottle where He grants wishes on the whim of the wisher. HE IS GOD!
In the chapter about God the Provider there wasn’t much said about how to get God to provide. It started out talking about Abraham and how God asked Abraham to give up things in order to give God room to bless and provide everything Abraham needed. When I read about Abraham having to lay down things he held dear to him to prove to God that he could be trusted with what God had for him, my expression was “Oh crap… God what are you asking me to lay down? Dang, Jehovah-Jireh, what are you asking me to surrender and cut out of my life to make room for all the things you have promised to provide?” It was a sobering moment for me! I was looking at Him like a genie and expecting that just because I wanted the money to come in immediately, that He was going to “drop everything” and provide. God wants to bless and give good gifts because He is a good Father, but truthfully I might not be ready for everything He wants to give me. What do I need to surrender? What do I need to lay down? What is He asking me to walk away from so that I stand empty for Him to be able to fill me up… or for Him to provide EXACTLY what I need?
I honestly haven’t gotten that far though. I know that God is digging out all the junk in my life and He is pruning me so that I will bear more fruit for Him, but I am still unclear of the level He is digging in. And although I don’t know what I am about to embark on with Him, I know that He has my best in mind and I’m not giving up just because His answer to my needy prayers aren’t what I wanted to hear. I want to go deeper with Him, no matter the cost… even if that cost is me being sent home early because of a lack of funds. I still trust that He will provide what I need; still trust that He will put me on the hearts of people for they will be led to help… BUT my focus isn’t on the perfect prayer anymore. My focus isn’t on how much money is or isn’t flowing into my account. My focus is on what God is asking me to surrender. My focus is on how much deeper my intimacy is growing with Him. My focus is on what God says I need, not on what I want. And more than anything… more than funds, more than the World Race, more than more stamps on my passport… I need Him! He is Jehovah-Jireh, the God who provides, and He is providing me with His presence and His love and His comfort and His heart. And that’s worth way more than $2,400!
