This morning (Thursday) I was supposed to Skype my mother. I was looking forward to it for pretty much the whole week, woke up at 5:15am to get ready for it, couldn’t connect, and found that for the next 1.5 hours I would repeatedly restart my computer and troubleshoot it while getting increasingly frustrated. (However, we found out later that it was probably the internet service provider because of the recent storm….rainy season and all.)
At that moment I felt super secluded. I felt trapped. I was stuck inside these fences with the guard towers, shotguns, and barbed wire. And now, no internet connection to the outside world. If I didn’t know any better, I would say it was reminiscent of prison.
That was when a lie slipped into my mind. “Caroline, you can’t even go a month without talking to your mother? You are a bad missionary.” I sought out one of the interns here at Mission of Hope who help me be okay with not being okay. “Caroline, if you didn’t get tired, frustrated to tears, or sad…then you are not giving your all. This is a good thing. And today will be a good day…” She referenced the soccer game that would be held in a neighboring village which would get me outside of the fence. Interpreters vs the village contacts. I agreed that surely that would help.
In God’s wisdom (and perhaps humor) but mostly wisdom…He had our team assigned on campus for both morning and afternoon ministry. In the morning we painted the MOH pastors kitchen cupboards for his pregnant wife. It was super refreshing to be in a real home with tile instead of cement, and air conditioner that felt like heaven, and a couch, kitchen table, and windows. God allowed me to understand the importance of resting. We rested there between paint coats. And though I kept trying to find things to keep busy with (sorting the hardware, cleaning up paint, pulling up tape, inspecting the work…) I forced myself to sit. I have always been a do-er, and recently God has called me more to be an observer because He has something to teach me.
In the afternoon we taught an open English class in the church for anyone in the villages who want to come. Many came just hoping to practice. And we expect many more over the next two days of classes. After class was the soccer game, which did bless me so much to be outside the fence in an atmosphere that felt like a typical family football game at Dad’s house.
God has been very faithful as I bring things to Him. I have brought to Him all my concerns and He consistently gives me little kisses on the head from heaven which refresh me and make all this possible.
