Ten months ago I left the comforts of home to head to the
mission fields of 11 different countries for 11 very different months. I left
for many reasons, some cultural, others due to a perceived personal need to
change my perspective on community, faith and myself, but primarily because I
KNEW God had asked me to take a leap of faith and GO.
My first month was spent in Romania and aside from learning
to live in a 24/7 community with others; I learned how to let others love me
and to let others do for me. By the end of the first month I realized that I
knew in my mind that God loved me unconditionally and beyond my comprehension,
but I mourned the fact that somewhere in my heart I had yet to grasp that
knowledge. Thus, I began a frantic
search to find what I needed to do to feel God’s love. I knew that there
was no textbook or formula that I could follow to accomplish internalizing the
reality of God’s love.
Moldova was “rustic” to say the least. We lived in a village
that seemed to be a leap back in time. Living conditions were rough and we were
constantly cold, but God moved and spoke to each of us intimately and
individually. God led me to a mountain and asked me to slow down, be silent and
learn to seek Him amid the majesty I saw all around me. God had removed me from
all the clutter I had allowed into my life, from the distractions of a media
driven culture, and asked me to just marvel in His creation while simultaneously
creating a hunger for me to know who I AM.
“Rejoice always, pray
continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you
in Christ Jesus. “
– 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
”
I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I
will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.”
– Psalm 13:5-6
At the end of Nepal I experienced my first team change and I
allowed it to shake me. I did not find my balance again for another three
months. I wrote about this in my blog My Time in India and Africa: Did I Lose My
Integrity? By the time I had regained my balance I
realized how fresh and new was my God centered lifestyle. I recognized that
from my freshman year of college through last year I had not been seeking the
Lord’s will, I had been seeking the “American Dream”. Through the experience I saw a need to continue
my grounding of heart past this 11 month journey. I had learned that I wanted
to be a woman that would break for the world, but not be broken by it.
“I
have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will
have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the
world.”
-John 16:33
“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in
him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress
where I will not be shaken “
-Psalm 62:5-6
Upon entering Thailand the realization that I was only four
months away from going back home became very real. Questions started surfacing and along with key
truths of what I desired, I recognized that I needed to start praying about what
I should do with the next season of my life. I knew that a key to my continuing
to grow would be found in a strong, Spirit lead community that seeks out His
Kingdom. I concluded that while I have a desire to dig deeper into theology and
that while my greatest tool is the Holy Spirit and my Bible, I need to enter
into a time of listening and discovering who I AM. I felt this needed to either
come from a church or scholastic program.
As I started to pray and was pretty sure God would ask me to
simply trust in Him (a constant theme He seems to place in my life). I settled
into the idea I would go home still praying into my next step.
I was wrong.
Part Two Coming Soon
