I watch as people start to stare
What are they staring at?
Oh…I see
Her shirt is stained with tears, good grief!
Her voice cries out
Is it physical pain … or emotional?
This can’t be physical, it is far too deep
Papa, Take her hurt!
Provide comfort, provide peace!
Embrace her heart!
Observations continue, more people are staring
Security is extra sensitive, asking if there is anything they can do
A woman looks and gives an expression asking if everything as ok
Her tears come harder how is that even possible
A gasp, then attempt to capture oxygen between sobs
By the time the plane is ready to take off, her eyes are swollen and her face has red spots from the salt in her tears
Clearly people have noticed!
Some people are annoyed; mostly people are curious and concerned
Curiosity starts to fill the air, people want the story
What could justify this sort of pain and outward distress?
How about the thought that this could be your final goodbye to the people who have proven that unconditional love is possible?
How about the knowledge that this could be your last chance to hug your parents…ever
The pressure of trying to take in your mothers sent and safety of dads embrace
What if this is my last moment with them?
Do I go?
God would understand? He would want me to spend it with them, right?
Lots of people say they have the perfect parents, but if they knew my parents they would have to agree that I HAVE THE PERFECT PARENTs, GOD GAVE ME THE PERFECT PARENTS
And now I’m walking away?
But isn’t that why God gave them to me, so they could poor unconditional, unwavering love into me?
Love filled so deeply with affirmation and support beyond my comprehension.
24 years of hearing “there is nothing you can’t obtain with work and dedication”
I have an amazing father! he constantly declares “you know I love you, right”
As if somehow I have forgotten that he has dedicated the past 24 years to loving and supporting me; He is LOVE, he is safety and security, and he is my daddy
My mother is a woman of patience, dedication and unwavering love. She takes on all the things that the family just doesn’t want to handle. She has died to herself to bring life to our family unit. So often I wish I could go back in time and find a way to fight for something that could be hers, something that we could do for her happiness.
My parents have poured so much into my family, I sometimes ache to think that maybe they have given so much that there is nothing left for them
It’s a thought that breaks me at the deepest point of my heart, the point where they live
So here I go, walking away from the two people who are the only two people I have ever let completely love me, the only two people that I have let myself be fragile and depend upon
I step onto the plane, my head heavy from crying
Knowing that this is my calling, away from my parents, having to trust that this is not my final goodbye
That in 11 months from now I will be back in their arms
But
The girl they said goodbye to, will be more of a woman
More of the woman they have prepared me to be
More capable of honoring them and returning their love
That alone is worth 11months
This not just about honoring God
It’s honoring myself and choosing to live life
It’s honoring my parents and the time they invested in me
It’s living in more than motions
It’s Learning that while I have the most amazing earthy parents
who love me in a way I can’t fathom
It’s time to get to know God’s unfathomable love, and the power that comes from knowing and living in that
So there I was, finally calm in my seat and it hit me, THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE EASY
