Month 11 is already here! Can you believe that?
With month 11 comes excitement, fear, and basically all the other feelings that a person could possibly have. It means that soon, I will packing my pack for the final time, spending one last travel day surrounded by 37 of my closest friends, and stepping off the plane with quick goodbyes before everyone runs off to catch their respective flights home. Then I’ll arrive back home to see my family and friends for the first time in almost a year, probably eat lots of food that I’ve missed, and hug my dogs until they run away.
But if I’m being honest, it’s scary. It’s scary knowing that the people I have spent the last 11 months with will not be in the next bed. It’s scary going back to a country that should be familiar but is actually more foreign than ever before. It’s scary going back with no plans for what the next step is. It’s scary going back to see friends and family that might not understand the person I have become or my new relationship with the Lord. But the scariest thing of all, is trusting that the person I have become on the race is not going to just go away when I get home.
In Radical, David Platt says “My biggest fear, even now, is that I will hear Jesus’ words and walk away, content to settle for less than radical obedience to Him.”
I think that describes what I’m afraid of. I’m scared that I am going to settle for less than what the Lord has for me. I don’t want to go back to the person I was before the race or the lukewarm faith and relationship I had with my Father. I don’t want to forget all the things He has shown me this year or the all the things I’ve learned about Him and about who He says I am.
I have experienced so much over these last 10 months and I have tasted what abundant life looks like when I live life with the Lord. He has challenged me and molded me into a daughter that looks more like Him then she did 10 months ago. And still, I am afraid that I will walk away from Him content to settle for less then what He has for me.
Even though this fear has consumed my thoughts and prayers as I prepare for home, I am comforted knowing that the Lord goes before me in all that I do and that doesn’t change when I go back to America. Sometimes I have to remind myself that He has got this. This is His show, not mine.
I’m learning to give God the credit and the glory that He deserves. He has done so much this year in and through me and I need to trust that He will protect me as I go home and that He won’t let me settle.
As for month 11, I’m excited for the ministry and the cool things God is doing here in Nicaragua. I have a really great feeling about this month and I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store!
