It comes in waves. The kind of waves that drag you under mercilessly with no warning and send you spiraling under the strong currents laced with shell rubble. Excitement for what lies ahead sweeps me off my feet and gives me reassurance that I can indeed, stay above water. But just when I think the roughest tides are behind me Doubt comes in with a tremendous grip and shoves me under the warm surface of the sea of emotions and into the cold, deep waters of a twisted reality. Anxiety spins me around, disorienting me and pinning me down against the sharp rocks of my own insecurities. Worry storms through preventing my resurfacing. Treading water will be far from easy. In these strong currents it is easy to let myself go, to fall victim to the unrelenting surge of feelings inside me. I have never been so scared of drowning before. I may be able to swim, but once this panic takes over I fear I will be trapped by it’s stronghold. That I will never escape the sly tug of these creeping concerns. But just when I think I will never resurface, Trust’s gentle hand lifts me up like a buoy, slowly guiding me upward. When I think of my new beautiful and energetic teammates who will join me on this adventure I break through a layer of water. When I remember that I have a family and friends who love me and will still be here when I get back, I burst closer still to the surface. When I feel God’s presence and when He reminds me why I am doing this trip; that leaving my worldly possessions to be uncomfortable is going to teach me so much, I begin to see the light from above peak through and glisten and I know I will escape the grasp of Worry, Anxiety, and Doubt. And when I picture the young children who have never heard the name Jesus being brought to the Lord through my vessel of a body, Peace showers my body with comfort and I am exposed to the warm radiance of the Son shining down on me. I. Am not. Alone. Even in a sea of emotions constantly battling for my heart, I am saved and protected by the One who makes all of these crazy emotions worth it.
