Ever have that moment of realization that God actually knows more about you than you know about yourself? In that moment you stop and think, "Wow, He loves me so much. He knows exactly what I need when I needed it." Then the realization that your life is in the hands of a great big God who loves you so much He is always looking after your best interests. However, we don't have these realizations enough.
A few nights ago my teammate called me, and during our conversation she asked if there was anything I was struggling with since being home. I had been sharing all the updates on wedding plans and talking about my new students I'd just met. She heard me being very upbeat about all that was going on in my life. Then I got real with a woman who had just spent the last year with me everyday, all day, because she too knows me better than I often know myself. The truth was I had begun thinking about what kind of a difference am I really making here? I had just spent a year doing this incredibly BIG thing, and I should still be doing BIG things everyday; but I'm just trying to wrap my head around all the new acronyms associated with education in Ohio. Then add the daily lesson planning and grading, but let's not forget the April wedding planning. There is nothing that has set my body into shock more than hearing someone tell me that flowers for a one day 5 hour event will cost $850.00. Do you even know what that kind of money will do for the people I got to know this last year?
So you could say, yes, I was struggling. I began feeling disappointed in myself. Was I making the right decisions about this wedding? Should we really be spending money on things that last a day? Am I being too American by planning this major event? That's where God interrupted me. He has me exactly where He wants me. Planning a wedding for two people who He has purposefully readied to live a lifetime together. Each of us was the answer to long awaited prayers for the other. My decisions, like not spending that much on flowers, were all in line with God's will for our lives as a couple. I felt very confident about that as I prayed.
God is allowing me a season of slow. I don't need to do BIG right now, that was last season. This season is about enjoying my engagement to the man of my prayers, delighting in the passion for teaching that has been rekindled in me. This is a new season of my life. It's perfectly alright to be ok. I don't need to force an attitude of struggling, especially when one doesn't exist. On the race it was mentioned over and over that it's ok to not be ok; but then just because it's anticipated that a person who experienced the race will struggle doesn't make it an automatic.
God has me exactly where He wants me and exactly where He revealed to me that He would be taking me. So I'm ready to begin my new season full steam ahead. Thank you for following along on this incredible journey with me. This will be my last blog here. I'd like to start a new blog about my new season. Life as a middle school teacher, soon-to-be wife then eventually mother, and ministry here in the US with the youth at my church. I hope you will continue to follow my journey.
You can find me at teachingtruthlivinggrace.wordpress.com
