Upon arrival in Guatemala she had a sinking feeling this may have been a mistake. She tried to feel connected to these 60 other people traveling with her, but they all felt so fake. There was no way she could ever let them into her world, besides they’re better Christians and what would they think of her.
Finding a moment alone in the tent she’d pitched earlier that day, she signed onto the Internet, even though she’d been asked not to. She desperately needed to find a familiar face. Reading Facebook statuses was beginning to make it worse until a familiar name popped up on chat. They’d had a strange relationship back home, being friends then dating then going back to just being friends. Then there were those awkward moments of flirting, but it wasn’t because they had tried that and it didn’t work. Right now in this moment she didn’t care how he would take her saying hello, she just needed to talk to someone who knew her; and he did.
They started talking more often, FaceTime or chat or emails whenever there was available Wifi for her. Luckily the rest of the world believed in Internet and they could reconnect, but it was starting to happen again. He got busy and didn’t respond, while she was a continent away wondering why. It just wasn’t going to work, and she was walking closer to Jesus these days and he agreed: just be friends.
In the next few months her walk with Jesus grew closer and His voice grew louder in her heart. She began to hear Jesus asking her to spend a day in silence, discover more about the Holy Spirit, and recognize the urgency for spreading the Gospel. All the while she still hoped that the Lord would grant her the desires of her heart. The men on this journey with her were all too young, along with any other missionary they met. Finding a husband was not going to happen this year either. Being a missionary was exhilarating and the children melted her heart. Perhaps God gave her motherly instincts to care for children in this way? Accepting that truth, she handed over her desire to be married.
The voice of God had grown so loudly in her heart that it took her by complete surprise when in month 5 God asked her to pray for her future husband. “NO WAY!” she thought, “I’ve let this go, and I’m not going there any more.”
“Pray for him,” was the only response.
“This is just my flesh,” was her rationale, but then she felt the Spirit tug her harder to pray because there is a husband out there and he needed her prayers. Reluctantly, she prayed. Two nights later, at midnight, the Lord awakened her asking again to pray for this future husband. Again she prayed. This began happening more often and she began to think that this future husband of hers was having a really bad January if he needed all this prayer.
Having handed marriage over to God, she prayed when he asked, but thought nothing more about it. She was falling in love with the children and the ministry. She began praying about how she could be apart of this ministry. Did God want to send her to live in one of the homes? “You need to go home for your husband,” was the only response God would give.
This was starting to get frustrating! All she wanted to do was let go of the idea of marriage and live her life in some foreign country caring for children. For years she cried herself to sleep asking God to send her an amazing man to marry, and for years only less than perfect knocked on her door. Now that she wanted to live her life dedicated to helping keep children from being sold into the sex trade God says NO? Seriously, now He starts to let her consider this burning desire to be married and have children of her own. She was so confused.
The next month God began speaking to her about other passions and desires that He had given to her that she wasn’t using. Her confidence had been crushed like a bug under a tennis shoe, and she wiped them away dissolving a few dreams as well. It was not in God’s plan to have her hide these talents He’d given to her. He filled her mind with incredible ideas and ways to use these talents once again. Then came the dreams.
In month 7, her mind was filled with dreams of her and her husband enjoying ministry together. Hosting Bible studies in their home, leading small youth groups at their church, taking kids on mission trips to places she’d been. How can this be real if God has already said he should just be a friend? The answer came in more dreams and visions of their life together. She felt so much joy, but then such pain because surely it was just her flesh. After a week of riding the emotional roller coaster, she confided in a friend who said just ask him. Email him again and see if he still has those same feelings he shared 7 months ago.
My eyes could hardly believe it when I read Tim’s response: I do. All this time he’d been praying for me, while I unknowingly prayed for him. God had worked on both our hearts, and now we were ready to be apart of each other’s lives.
