Dove’s Eyes and Eating My Words

 Is this really the one thing I desire? 

 Fix your eyes upon Jesus… store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. The bible talks a lot about God as eternal, lasting, what we should be desiring and setting our eyes upon…In Song of Songs the lover (God) describes the beloved (us/the church) as having dove’s eyes. Doves are able to focus in and see only one thing at a time.
Having the eyes of my heart solely fixed above, on God is a challenge and something I aspire to. 

Pause. So I promised I’d talk about what I’ve been doing while in Uganda – here’s a bit on that topic… we’ll circle back. 

 It’s only fair for me to question if I really value knowing God above all else…. I gotta eat my own words… 

 This month we’ve doing lots of door-to -door/ hut 2 hut evangelism. We walk around the neighborhood and talk to people about God, Jesus, love, their life, pray for them… as the Lord leads. 

 First of all, I love meeting people so part of me is all for the idea of going around a village in Uganda and talking with people. But… it’s also a bit funny sometimes… I’m formerly introduced, as a mazungo (white person) and then I feel as though I’m expected to have some special words or message to bring forth to. (As an exaggeration,) sometimes I feel like I’m one of those music boxes/figurines where you wind them up and then this figurine twirls around as a little diddy plays. Where this little performance evokes the observer to say a special pray.
Haha. This is where we can laugh… 

 So we’re doing our thing -going from hut to hut talking to people about God’s love for them and abut knowing God. One lady I spoke with me stands out to me. She was a Muslim, when her husband was alive, then she became a Catholic, and now she accepts Jesus as her saviour. She has been healed from HIV/AIDS, she only has scars left to show from the disease. Praise God! However, she has several children and doesn’t have money for their education… struggles to put enough food on the table. 

 Eat my words: If I could barely feed my children, and couldn’t put them through school, would my one desire still be to know God?
But this is what I’m (maybe at times indirectly) encouraging them to do… Yikes. 

 Similarly, yesterday I was talking with a girl who wanted to be born again, but…. is a Muslim. She wants to talk with her mom first before making a decision. She’s scared. Making the decision to follow Jesus will likely mean her family turning their backs on her.
Again… wow. I feel a portion of the weight of this decision and am asking myself is knowing God and being in His presence really the one thing I desire? Because this is what we’re encouraging others to do… 

How much do I desire God?
What part of me doesn’t want to look silly for God? My reputation. The part of me that wants to present my faith in a way that is appealing to others… or doesn’t make them or me feel awkward… What part of me thinks that doing a project or enhancing the community, or a person’s life in some more tangible way is better. 

 Hmmm… I’ll take an order of dove’s eyes please. I better start chowin down…I have a ways to go….