In Part 1 I told you how much I wanted to go home. Now in Part 2, I still want to go Home.
After I wrote Part 1 I started crying out to God about Him changing my attitude. I WANTED to WANT to have a better attitude. I wanted to want to be excited about my last 3 months, but reality was that I just wasn't. Writing Part 1 was a release. I wasn't holding it in anymore. Once I got real with myself I could be real with God.
So then the quick journey started. Debrief is a time of rest that we get every couple of months. Our Squad Coaches and Squad Mentor fly out to wherever we are to provide encouragement for us. I certainly expected God to step in, but I didn't expect for God to step in so quickly.
As I prayed through my feelings of weariness, apathy, frustration, and wanting to quit God reminded me of His strength in my weakness. I've known of this concept, but have never had to access it so desperately. He was truly strong in my weakness. And I mean that. I didn't even have to try. My heart literally changed on its own.
Now I was filled with anticipation and excitement for my last 3 months. I wanted them to be the best of the Race. I wanted to love well and be selfless. I thought of the growth that happened in months 1-3, 3-6, and 6-8 and remembered just how much of the Race I had left. He whispered to me to receive my daily bread, to be present today, not concentrate on the future, and focus on what is put in front of me right now.
The only regret I had is that I didn't access this strength sooner. I wish I'd fought for my last team (Pneuma) harder. I wish I'd learned rest, and let His love be an outpouring instead of me trying. As team changes happened I knew I didn't want that to be the case again.
He came to my rescue as soon as I cried out to Him. The funny thing is, Moldova (where I am now), was the one country I was dreading and it is coming close to being my favorite so far.
I'm still longing for Home, but not my earthly home. I have a renewed sense of wanting to be a part of bringing Heaven to earth. Of bringing a glimmer of hope, love, freedom, peace, and kindness to any person in my path. I long for a time when every person knows how much they are loved. Where every person knows Jesus' transforming peace and freedom.
I want to go Home.
