I haven't had anything nice to blog lately, so I just haven't blogged at all. Here's the ugly truth as to why..
I'm tired. I'm tired of putting others before myself. I'm tired of having to push the shower button 100 times to keep the water on. I'm tired of being annoyed by people, places, and situations. I'm tired of living with 38 people. I'm tired of being a Christian. I'm tired of carrying my cross. I'm tired of surrendering because at this point I'm having to minute-by-minute.
I want to go home. I want my bed. I want my friends. I want normalcy. I want consistency.
I know that's not what I'm called to. And I know that's not what I'm being prepared for. I have a terrible attitude. I am praying through it and trying to rely on God to fill me up and give me strength.
But it's just hard.
I want to be on fire. I want to be content. I want to say, "It is well."
My flesh is fighting my Spirit harder than it ever has. I've experienced these feelings before, but not to this intensity.
So this is my blog. No happy ending. I want to quit. I want to go home.
But I know my God is faithful even if my flesh fails and I can't feel it. That's why this is a part 1 of 2 blogs. I plan on telling you how God comes through for me.
