Scandalous

I spoke to a small group of high school students yesterday and shared about The World Race. I encouraged them to live their dreams, invest in people, and share their story. I told them that I firmly believe that our testimonies (stories of our past) and struggles (stories of our present) aren't just for us they are also for others. No one can comfort like the soul who has tread in the same waters. 

But, what if God is STILL healing in certain areas? Are we vulnerable enough to wear the wounds when they haven't calloused quite yet? I can tell you, for myself, the answer is a resounding NO. I don't mind you knowing what I've BEEN, but I don't want you to know the lies I believe about what I AM. I was encouraging students to do what I wasn't willing to do myself. 

Because I know the condition of my heart. And it's not a pretty sight. It's scandalous.
 
In most areas of my life I can say I'm pretty vulnerable. I don't mind sharing my story of abuse, shame, partying, and promiscuity because that's not who I am anymore, nor do I view myself in that way. I am no longer treading in those waters. I am clean. I am pure. I am restored. There is no shame. There is no condemnation. I am in Christ Jesus (Hallelujah, right?!). 

God has been showing me an area that He wants to heal. He has wanted to heal it for a long time. I haven't let Him. I continually chose to be disobedient and closed off. I believe He wants me to share this area specifically because, until recently, I haven't been walking in my redemption, and I am still in the process of learning what that looks like. So here it goes!

For as long as I can remember there has always been a void. Oh yes, that sweet little void that ONLY God can fill. We know it, we feel it, but what do we do with it? Let me share with you what I used to do with it:

Relationships. Attention. Television. Food. Affirmation. Sex. People Pleasing. Sports. Alcohol. Pride. Music. Control. Self-Help Books. Work. Friends. Drugs. Movies. Love Stories. Homeless People. Pretty much anything except The Word and Jesus.  

Now? Now, all I know to do is sit with it and appreciate it. I'm not filling it with anything. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS PROCESS! And honestly, I'm thankful for the void. It's a beautiful reminder that I'm not Home (HALLELUJAH, RIGHT?!?!). 

But let me give glory where glory is due: MY GOD IS HEALING ME! He is teaching me. I know in my head that only God can fill that void, but I've never experienced it. I've believed the enemy that God wouldn't redeem this area. I am experiencing His faithfulness, love, and peace in a way I never have!

I feel weird. I feel uneasy. I feel peaceful. Don't those contradict? Pain and chaos have been my normal for most of my life. I'm not used to FEELING okay. I've never WALKED in peace. What an incredible gift from my Daddy. 

Bye bye, Satan. You no longer get to hold me in bondage. I rebuke the lie that God is ANYTHING other than sufficient. Let me pull out my sword and tell you that we have triumphed over you by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11)!!

BOOYAH!

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Atlanta, GA 30353-4470