Control Has a Grip on You? Me too.

Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. 

It's hard to verbalize the feelings of relinquishing control of my plans. I feel sad, excited, lonely, lifted up, loved, bold, uncomfortable, and out of control. I have been clinging, with both hands, to the plans I'd made. 

My plans..
I am supposed to be about 4 months away from getting married. Right now I should be looking up venues, caterers, fun bands, and wedding invitations. I should be arguing with my fiance about what type cake we want and going to try on dresses with my family and girlfriends. 

God's plans..
I will be spending the next 18 months MINIMUM being single, being surrounded by guys who are probably going to catch my eye, but not able to do anything about it. I will be pursued only to have to turn them down, unless the Lord says otherwise. 

I didn't realize how much of a grip I had on my plans (or how much of a grip they had on me) until I was asked to release them. I was working extremely hard to make sure that my plans came to fruition, so that I could be like every one else. If my life didn't look like others, then I must be getting punished (totally a lie by the way!).  

So, I'm learning a better way, and it feels so odd. It's very uncomfortable, but exciting. God is teaching me, through this "giving up," how to TRULY DEPEND on Him. He is genuinely and gently making my paths straight (Prov. 3:6)! 

I still have days of mourning, but I also have days of rejoicing because I know what He has for me for now. He is being a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:115).

God has control. For the very first time, God has every bit of control over my life. I am utterly dependent on Him. I am so thankful that God loves me enough to let me feel uncomfortable so I can learn how to trust Him! If I have both hands full, chasing after the wind, and clinging to my plans, how can He be leading me hand-in-hand?

Where are you at? Is relinquishing control as hard for you as it is for me? Does anyone else struggle with this?
 

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Atlanta, GA 30353-4470