A year ago, last September in Gainsville, GA, I must of heard the phrase “Leave your expectations BEHIND!” a million times. But What does that mean? What about personal expectatoins? What about ideas or presuppasistions?
So what did I expect? Did I expect to become a super spiritual Christian? Did I think I was going to save the world miracle after miracle? Maybe I imagined that the whole surrender thing was going to magically make me have a perfect attitude in any and every living condition. Perhaps I was expecting that I would learn to live without EVERYTHING I was “leaving behind”. But lets be realistic here! Its not that I left everything behind. Its more like I took a little bit of everything and just came with less. And what I didnt bring, I most likely found a way to get, when I wanted it. Maybe I was expecting that God would call me to a third world country. I was ready for it too, and I really liked my life at home, but I came with a willing heart.
But.. I am certainly not a super spiritual Christian. Sometimes I can hardly read my Bible every day. There is no doubt that God has used me this year, but there were occasions where I didn’t know it until the time was long passed. I never laid my hands on a sick person and saw them healed on the spot. (but I think God is okay with that) I have had entirely less than a satisfactory attitdude about many things, including living conditions. I learned one thing is for certain, I don’t like to be hot! I guess I have learned to live without a few things and I certainly know how to live on less, but it seems like I have had so much, it’s hard to tell. And, I dont exactly feel like God has called me to a third world country.
Soo.. What did I get from this year? I came looking for THE answer to my life calling. (thats such a Christianeese things) I’m a planner. I like to know things in advance. I like to figure out how its going to work. And I like watching the vision unfold as it works out just like I imagined. But who am I kidding? Life never works out that way for real! Not when God comes in and messes things up.
Well.. All I know at this point is God sent me on this trip as Candice; a silly little goof ball who likes to pretend that life is perfect, no matter what the circumstances are. Anyone who really knows me can aggree to that. And it seems to me like God decided that He kind of liked Candice that way. Sure He made some adjustments, Big ones and small ones. I guess I probably look a lot older too, sleepless nights and 9 months of intense sun will to that to you. But so far, life is still an endless game of ‘What Comes Next?’
And.. Im okay with that!
