Project Searchlight is a week geared toward encouraging and helping World Race alumni process the past year. It’s full of sermons, testimonies, and time with teammates. And I had absolutely no desire or energy to come to it.
My time at home after the race hasn’t been easy. I walked into it hoping that it would be easy for me to adjust back to “normal” life. Within the first week of being in the states, I was confronted with family issues. I thought I could resolve the conflict with the skills I picked up from my time on the race, but found myself reacting from my flesh more than I would’ve liked. Just because I have the foundation of feedback, it doesn’t mean my family does.
It’s also been hard adjusting from having full-time ministry and community to absolutely nothing. I’ve fallen into the Netflix and chill trap and couldn’t pull myself out of it. I struggled to call out to God for help. Instead I kept asking why there weren’t any people in my life who really understood me. Who had lived awhile from home and had experienced God in brand new ways. I know I have my squad mates but I wanted someone who lived life with me every day, not someone I could only call up for 30 minutes and have to give a snap shot of what was going on.
You might be thinking, wait a second, aren’t you forgetting someone who’s there with you every single second of the day, Candace? Isn’t that Jesus?
Well, of course, you’re right. But I had completely forgotten him in my everyday life.
This hard truth was spoken through incredibly powerful, convicting messages by wisdom-filled speakers, through worship drenched in the Holy Spirit, and coaching/counseling sessions at Project Searchlight.
I realized that I had chosen community over God during the race. I had allowed the people in my life to come before God for advice and encouragement. I had found a quick fix to my feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious from the calming and sweet words of teammates. No wonder going home to no community caused me so much despair.
Having a week away from the confined space of home, full of disappointments and anxious feelings of not knowing what I’m doing next, has allowed for a complete shift in my thinking.
God’s given me so much peace this week. In fact, peace has been the main theme for me. And being a perpetually anxious person, that’s a huge deal. I’ve learned that I have no idea how to uncomplicate my relationship with God, but that’s exactly where I need to be. No longer do I have to do anything to make God love me more. I don’t have to be on a mission trip to be close to God. He doesn’t care what I do, as long as I know that He loves me. That’s all that matters.
Once you realize you are LOVED by God, everything else will fall into place.
So, if you’re hesitant to come to Project Searchlight like I had been, let me give you some encouragement. If you’re desperate for community, you will find people who are for you, not against you. If you’re feeling alone and misunderstood, you will be surrounded by people who are just as discouraged and lost as you, but are so hungry for God that you’ll inevitably be brought out of your pit and be refreshed by the Spirit. If you’re looking for your post-Race identity, you will find it in the love that God has for you. You may not get clarity for what you should do post-Race, but that shouldn’t be the main goal for this week. It wasn’t for me, and I’m so blessed by not having that expectation.
My life has changed. I have changed. The World Race didn’t do that. God did. But changing is a process and it’s important to not get discouraged when things don’t make sense or you feel like you have no purpose.
Remember that you are loved. That’s all that matters! That’s the only identity and purpose you need. Not “being a World Racer” or “missionary.” Once you realize that, everything else will fall into place.
