*DISCLAIMER* this is about a month old, but I didn’t have internet to post it.
I know what you’re thinking.
You’re thinking that in three months I’ll be saying I wish I was still traveling the world.
I’m sure that is more true than I can even begin to fathom right now,
but I figured I would still just share with you where I am on this journey.
Month 8, It’s a little insane to think I’ve already come this far. It’s more insane to be sitting here watching the sun set behind the Himalayan mountains in Nepal wishing it were August so I could be home.
I don’t want to go home bad enough to board a plane or anything, but the race is getting hard. I thought 11 months would be a breeze. I figured it would be hard at times but I didn’t think it would be quite like this.
The struggle is real… “shake you to the core of your being” real.
So uncomfortable you want to quit real, and at the same time so real that you sometime lose your breath because love overtakes you.
I’m in this place right now where I want to change so bad that I keep coming up short because my expectations are so high for myself.
In the last eight months,
I’ve said many cuss words,
talked about sex in a way I shouldn’t have,
smoked a few cigarettes,
gossiped a time or two,
and I still don’t have the relationship with the Lord that I desire to have.
I still don’t know very much about the Bible
and I haven’t lost any weight..
In fact, I’ve more than likely gained about 30 give or take.
The World Race warns you to drop all expectations about the trip.. I think that may even include the ones you have of yourself.
I’m struggling on a daily basis, but my biggest struggle is being scared to stand out.
I’m scared to be looked at crazy.
What will people say when I don’t use bad language?
What will people say when I’m always walking in the joy of the Lord?
What will people say when I want to pray about things instead of complaining?
What will people say when I want to listen to worship music?
What will people say when I slip up and say a bad word?
What will they say when I have had enough Jesus music and want a break?
What about when I get angry and the joy of the Lord is no where to be seen in me?
What will they say when I complain instead of being happy in all circumstances?
Oh crap, the struggle! Truth, I’m still human so get ready for me to fall,
however I will ALWAYS get up! 🙂
It hit me though that I may be the only Jesus someone ever comes in contact with. I can’t sit still and hold this in. I can’t be scared about being a radical, “crazy Christian” girl.
So it stops today.
I want a passion that’s so big I can’t contain it.
I want old friends and new friends, old family and new family to look at me
like I am completely and utterly insane.
I was born for this.
I was born to stand out.
I was born to do the will of my Father.
So why am I sill not doing it?
Then I’m reminded that I am.
I sold all of my old self, literally, to do this.
To live everyday to change things, lives, and atmospheres.
To wake up ever morning and choose to walk in the joy of the Lord
and be an atmosphere changer because of it.
When I remember that God loves me I can push forward because the God of the universe is on my side.
At the end of the day, faithfulness is what I’m doing right, trusting in Him is what I’m doing right,
abiding in Him is what I’m doing right!
I won’t stop, I can’t stop being who I was created to be.
So wake up today and choose joy.
Walk in his will for your life!
You won’t know how amazing life is until you live it to the full potential God gave you this life for!
Much love
