Laying in bed gets boring.
Trust me, I would know, I’ve been here for four days. Feverish, achy and tired. But after a doctors visit, 3 test tubes full of blood taken, a near pass out, and a lump sum of cash was reluctantly handed over; I found out I am malaria free. Other bacteria and parasites remain. I guess that whole “don’t drink the water” thing was not intended as a suggestion. Oops. But I’m fine. And, good news, I eventually stopped crying after I got the bill.
And it’s hard in moments like that when I don’t really understand why pain exist and why I sometimes have to go through more pain before I get better.
Like the way I still sometimes sin and constantly need more grace. I know it hurts me and I know it hurts God. And it feels so unnecessary, pointless, and painful. I often wonder why God didn’t just do away with that ugly “sin” thing a long time ago. But then, somewhere in my head, it all clicks.
You see, If I needed rehabilitation from an injury I could sit there and say “Well this stinks, guess I’m going to be miserable forever.” Or I can get up move. I can experience what it’s like to work again.
God does the same thing for us.
He’s not asking us sit there and beat ourselves up.
He’s also not asking us to pretend like we have it all together in fear of what will happen if we’re not perfect.
Nope.
All He want is to heal us.
Pain is a good thing because hurting produces healing.
When we mess up, it gives us a chance to realize how much we need redemption.
We need healing.
I walked away from the hospital, despite my momentary lack of happiness, with so much thanks slipping out of my brain. Thank you God that it wasn’t worse and that you are the ultimate healer. Thank you God that when I make mistakes you look into my heart and you still see worthy. You still choose to forgive me even when I’m wrong.
Having a constant need to be healed is not fun.
It’s hard knowing we can’t restore ourselves.
But it’s humbling
and it’s the reality of life.
By his wounds we are healed.
Not by our own effort.
Not by our good works
Not by our nice prayers
Not by mission trips
Not by weekly church attendance
Not by our donations
Not by self pity
Not by self reliance
Not by our abilities
But by the blood of Christ.
