Emanuel sits in my lap.
Legs strung to my sides.
Looking straight into my eyes with a smile that catches my heart.
“Auntie, Take me!”
Another little boy runs up to me
a white grasshopper as long as my thumb in his hands.
He holds it close to my face.
Trying to evoke fear.
Touche, my little friend.
Mission accomplished.
Amanda sits to my left.
Eating rice out of her small hand that she cups as her spoon.
She then takes her freshly licked fingers and rubs them through my hair.
“Auntie Candy, beautiful yellow hair.”
Beyonce jumps into my arms
and buries her face in my shoulder.
Her chipped tooth smile begins to radiate.
Yes, Beyonce, you are wanted here.
Amanda finishes her school work.
“Auntie, look me! Look me!”
Wanting me to see how she colored almost perfectly in the lines.
“Wow, Amanda. That is wonderful”
Child after child approaches me.
Wanting to be held.
To be loved.
To be affirmed.
In the moments of great challenge I understand the gravity of my weakness. I don’t know how to love the right way. I don’t know how to smile when food covered hands are running through my hair or when a boy puts a grasshopper in my face. I don’t know how to give my attention and affirmation to more than one person at a time. I don’t know how to pour out when I’m tired. And I really don’t know how to teach children without getting impatient.
Nope, I just don’t know how to love the way that Jesus did.
Most of the time I don’t even want to try.
I just assume that doing ministry with children is much too hard for me. But then I remember the fact that Jesus did a much harder thing on the cross.
He didn’t want to be crucified, but He did it anyway.
He did it because the thing you least want to do can be the best thing for you. He did it because he wanted to have me run to Him the way the children at the kindergarden run to me. He wanted me to find my affirmation, strength, joy and love in Him.
It’s days like today where I realize my need for Jesus. I need to seek Him to have joy despite my circumstances. I need to turn to Him and find a never ending fountain of love to pour out. I have to depend on him to know who I am. To know how wonderful He thinks I am.
And in the midst of doing something I don’t really want to do I have found pieces of joy. I have found the little boy that runs up to me with wide eyes ready to sit in my lap and tell me all about the things he likes. I have found the little girl who wants nothing more than me to look at her and say well done.
I finally understand…
Having a childlike faith has never made more sense to me!
